. d e e

2008-04-20T17:09:00.003+08:00

listening to: let u go by atb

i've moved! big stuff requires big changes. you have the choice to either ask me for my new link, or if wait since if i think you're worth it (and i can make an effort to get off of that big butt of mine), i'll leave a note on your own sites.

2008-02-24T23:10:00.007+08:00

listening to: awake enough - deep dish.

only because chris told me to update my site.

people who consistently change their blogging sites irritate the shit out of me. seriously, how many sites do you need. think of all the unused and discarded blogging sites floating about in cyber-world out there because of your indecisiveness. there's probably some cyber-homeless-shelter because of your carelessness. and like my poor ol' memory can stand all these new site names and the links to them. selfish buggers. and yes, this is a blatantly obvious hint that i've not-so-subtly dropped in this post. hint hint.

fallaciousness is a word.

that is a whole crap load of -ness words.

somebody is probably going to be staring at this, thinking "ugh, condescending bitch. i am, like, way totally better than her. like, duh."

i really should get around to changing my layout. it's been, what, three years? alright maybe a tad bit of exaggerating on my part, but it has been a long time for sure. i'll miss the troll and his bug eyes, greeting me every time i visit my own site.

thailand in around a month. beach in around a month. golden greek sexgoddess tan in around a month. although knowing me, i'll just get burned to a nice crunchy crisp. like crackling. mmm... yumm.

yeah. i'm outta here. cheers.

2008-01-29T17:53:00.000+08:00

listening to: music for love by mario.

"vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."

- words never rang more true.

2007-10-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

listening to: be mine by jennifer lopez.

selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin
mm. ushering in this time of bright celebration are numerous fireworks and pounds to be piled on. plus, it's time for an upgrade, shortcakes!

2007-09-24T19:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: baby don't go by fabolous.

it's been far too long.

ib is hectic. it appears that it's not the work that is the challenge, as i'm finding it all a breeze, but it's the amount of work paired with the cas hours. luckily though, due to my hibernation, i've stayed far ahead of the bounce of the ball.

playing the part of the studious ib victim, the devoted girlfriend and the dedicated daughter (alright, maybe not the latter), i've been adjusting to the way of life that i'm going through now. whether that big big change will come and my having to readjust once more has still yet to be seen.

don't expect anything shell shocking or remotely thoughtful (hell, since when did i ever write anything thought provoking?) because i really have nothing to say.

amazing, right? me? nothing to say? lets take a moment out to cherish this miracle.

stop the fcking burning.

2007-09-14T20:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: the district sleeps alone tonight by the postal service.

it's officially the weekend, i have absolutely no work and just when i thought i had stopped with all my self-pitying sobbing, it hits me like a baseball bat to a burglar. unfortunately, i've discovered that throwing yourself into work means you get your work done much faster. no distractions for dian, boo. i may paint the children's ward tomorrow to fill in that empty space. get a lil' hospital visiting done too? we'll see.

anyway, on to more pressing issues. like my sister's birthday. the skinny one is now officially...

20.

twenty. tea-when-tea. the big two-oh. two after eighteen and one before twenty-one. (look ma, i'm gittin' better at numbahs!) 20. old.

happy birthday, big brat. you know i love you, even if i rarely show it. you're definitely one of the luckiest girls in the world to have a sister like me! haha, no, but seriously, you're surrounded by people who love you and even if it isn't some wild outrageously expensive birthday, i hope it was a good one for you.

2007-09-10T20:06:00.000+08:00

listening to: i miss you (acoustic) by incubus.

i miss my three-fold eutopian dream.

i'd go on about what other aspects of 'it' that i miss, but for my viewer's sanity, i shan't bore you with those details. although i doubt they'd bore you, because they sure as hell don't bore me.

isn't it funny how i created this site to express my own personal thoughts and opinions, yet somehow it's been conformed to suit your needs and to please you people, even if it means not satisfying my desire to write about what i'm feeling or thinking? see, i'm such a nice person. i spoil you all.

;p

happyhappyhappy. don't you just love emails? hrhrhr.

2007-09-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

listening to: set the fire to the third bar by snow patrol ft. martha wainwright.

i've given myself a week. one week to wallow in self-pity, one week to publicise my pining before it gets locked away and i attempt to never speak of it again. you, signifcant time, may join the ranks of my unspoken. it's not a goodbye at all, just a way to deal with it. privately, like how many people feel we should deal with these sorts of issues.

why would i want to say goodbye to that anyway. i discovered a better part of me (haha, kudos, brandon boyd) and though i don't know which way it's going to go, though i hope things only manage to improve with time, it's not completely up to me. you've got to work hard to earn your keep, and the question is am i ready to work hard?

my goals in life revolve around the four S words. Security, Stability, Safety and the fourth, which i'll leave up to your perverted lil' minds to imagine and contemplate about. and no, it's not that, lordie. maybe i achieved my fourth "S", because it sure as hell seems like i did. i suppose only time will tell, being that elusive bitch that she is.

did you ever consider how you've affected somebody's life, no matter how small or great? i've always wondered whether they regret meeting me or regret not meeting me sooner, what they wished they said to me, or possibly in the case of some, didn't say at all. you hope to yourself that you changed them for the better, that you made their lives that bit more special and fulfilling for them to enjoy...

... jeeze, get a grip. the world doesn't revolve around you. ;p

happythoughtshappythoughtshappythoughtsandpositivethinkiiing.

2007-09-08T14:16:00.000+08:00

listening to: sunday by bloc party.

the questions just won't stop coming. bouncing from one side of my mind to the other, exhibiting the whole spectrum of worries i've been bottling up.

what happens now? what pulled you to me? was it just because...? what will keep us bonded? how will you change? how will i change? what happens if...? what happens when...? why did this happen? why didn't you...? when will i stop crying? how do i stop...? why did i get so attached? how did you get me so...? do you...? when will i next...? did you really mean it? why do i miss you so much? where do we stand?

i've been feeling sorry for myself.

always one for cynicism when it comes to affairs of the heart, i've been pleasantly forced to change my opinion on the matter. it took the most unlikely person, always right there though, to make me see different. ironic how things always appear when you're not looking for them, things that were right under your nose.

isn't life a bitch?

two days and counting. my approach to dealing with this is by eating my empty little heart out and throwing myself into stupendous mountains of work, thankfully and gratefully provided for me by the IB course. gee whizz. i think its time for one of those hibernation periods from the drama queen herself. chocolate cake and japanese galore. i've been told the solution is to "get completely piss drunk" but i'm not for that anymore. i'd much rather eat myself silly and work myself to the bone. fatty, fatty, boom a-latty.

a lot has happened in such a short space of time. to fall, to love, to learn, to smile, to cry, to say goodbye - it's what makes life so goddamned beautiful, no matter how much you'll sometimes hate it. the highs wouldn't be so high if there weren't any lows.

its every little thing that i remember, that takes me back instantly to a certain memory we created. and i don't regret a single thing, no matter how much it hurts in the end. actually, is it the end? give a little to get a lot, they say.

i'm being so selfish. bah, humbug, leave me be. let me be self-absorbed and emotional for a week. if i'm still displaying the same qualities after a week, then you have the right to whine. we can all hide things. i'll learn how to given time.

positive thinking, i should tell myself. at least i have the comfort club with me. i've never been so grateful for them.

everything is right there in my mind, waiting to be said, yet somehow i can't force my fingers to type them out. i'm sure you've all felt this way before? where your mind works so fast that your fingers can't keep up. where everything is all tangled up and though you personally find it coherent, there's no way to separate the threads to make it understandable for everybody else.

so why even bother attempting to type this out.

2007-08-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

listening to: foundations by kate nash.

the summer holidays were excellent. many memorable moments filled my days with exuberant laughter and bright smiles. productiveness was not forgotten either as i got a lot done. bonds formed, some more intimate than others, missed ones met and some big decisions announced. i'd make an attempt to type up some of the occurrences of my summer days, but no words possess the ability to articulate the emotions accompanying everything. plus, its a whole load of occurrences. a whole load of fun.

my long break and lack of writing during the holidays has resulted in rusty literary skills. no longer does that disjointed mind of mine churn out random topics to babble on about, no longer do the words seem to flow from my fingers as i type this out. a little push to get me started is required but as its only two days into IB, no outcome has been seen yet.

i've yet to make a decision on IB as i haven't had the experience of being a part of it for a considerable amount of time, allowing me to pass a judgement on my opinion of the course. so far though, it's been good. that could be due to the fact i've done next to nothing other than make smart-ass little remarks with the two fellow trouble makers by my side. jovial comments, disrupting of class and snort-laughing in the back, we're making steady progress on asserting our personalities in the grade.

important possibilities and happenings have caused some excitement (and other) in my life. i'd love to discuss it but who knows what lies in my future. big decisions, big changes, big moves. haha, sneaky and cryptic, right? right?

bah, this isn't happening for me tonight.

2007-07-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

listening to: buses and trains by bachelor girl.

well, firstly lets kick this off with the great announcement that it's finally friday the 13th! what relevance that has in connection with my life or post, i'm still not sure about.

cruising along the other day with the fellow eurasian in her red rah-rah, we were singing, or rather attempting to, along with jessica simpson and exemplifying coolness, as we usually do. because we all know jessica simpson is the ultimate cool music to listen to.

fast forward to the arrival at the gym, or watering hole as it sometimes appears to me. i've begun to notice the mannerisms of the different groups at the gym. over at the bodybuilding/weightlifters side, you've got the generic jocks, or so it appears. these are typically the beefy men with their god complexes, eyeing one another up in a competition for the big and buffest title. of course, they manage to multitask too, an act i'm surprised doesn't exert too much pressure on their minuscule brains. their definition of multitasking would have to fall under being able to lift weights, check out possible competition and also, *gasp* keep a look out for possible prey too! now, when i say prey, i mean anything with boobs, legs and a butt.

of course, one could argue that some of these men fall under that category too. have you seen their pecs? they possess a bigger bra size than i could ever hope to gain.

then you've got the ones on the badminton court. these men amuse me greatly. hyper, bubbly and full of energy, they know how to enjoy a great game and it's easy to see as well. people like this generally tend to have the same sort of perspective and attitude towards life. i'm always tempted to run up to them and hug them because they're just too damned cute. jumping and running all over the place, catcalling to one another and shouting out loud and jovial comments, oblivious to the others in the gym.

of course you have the real gym bunnies, hopping all over the place. from the treadmills to the bike machines and then the sit up machines. these are where most of the girls can be located. these people, though they are friendly, tend to keep to themselves. of course this doesn't include the exceptions; the people who mingle with all these groups and are able to get along with everybody, or rather, don't fall into one single category.

finally, outside we have the swimmers/smokers. these people tend to be more laid back, relaxed and have an equal balance of seriousness and a joking manner too. unable to distinguish any common traits between them, this appears to be the more eclectic and diverse bunch with a wide range of variety between the lot.

often, in the changing room of the gym though, i am tempted to run around in the nude, if only to shock the other women there. personally, i'm fine with nudity. i'm all for being naked - haha - yet these women seem to cower at the very thought of revealing any parts excepting legs, arms and heads. of course, this is most likely due to upbringings or cultures which i completely respect and understand, but really. we're all girls (i'd hope) and the extremities they take just to stay covered is absurd and a little tad dramatic.

which group i'm a part of remains to be seen though. maybe i should join the bodybuilders and start to beef up. maybe thats the key to bigger boobs. steroids, anyone?

2007-07-12T02:00:00.000+08:00

listening to: my usual whining.

the holidays have stupified me. and it doesn't just stop there! oh no, the world tossed me a cherry on top of this diabetes-inducing sickly sweet cake we call life because now, not only am i stupid, but desperate and seemingly doomed to an eternity of solitude too.

...haha, as you can tell, my histrionics are still in full swing though. nice to know you can all always rely on me to be the drama queen.

2007-07-08T06:09:00.000+08:00

listening to: alala by CSS

put into many awkward, if not amusing, situations tonight. meeting up with many friends of the past, many people i vaguely knew. got to know them that little bit more tonight. then i migrated to the other side of brunei where the situations once more became a show of rinse and repeat.

"...i know you?!"

oops. i really must keep track. memory fails me at both the worst and best of times and despite the lack of sense this is making, i personally get what i'm saying. now, whether you get what i'm saying or not doesn't matter. nyeh nyeh.

but seriously. for such a teenytinyittybitty country, you'd think i'd be able to remember the people i meet. i once got told i should start listening more. okay, that's a lie.. it was more than once. i think now it's time to put that advice into action.

enjoyable little twitters and chatters as we laugh about the not-so-silly. uneasy laughter as we try to create an interesting topic that eases the discomfort of knowing you're being talked about as a pair. it's a funny situation considering the private (which means fuck you all, i'm not going to tell you what i was thinking) little ideas and considerations that were bouncing about in that thick thick skull of mine.

opening up the possibilities tonight, my opportunities appear to be improving yet standards will not decrease, finicky behaviour will not ebb to a low level and my anal retentiveness about certain issues and 'claims to fame' will not disappear. my slight lack of luck in these situations and predicaments when its about this sort of thing had better not go into overdrive or i will scream my ovaries out.

i'm on a diet called starvation. time to call the gym bunny and get a-working.

the sister arrives back today. what an interesting quagmire i will be placed in. fascist-nating. i was planning to go all out and make the room squeaky clean for her but as i lack the time and effort and energy to do all that, she'll have to live with moderately and actually quite cosy clean. don't worry, i'm sure she can ransack my closet to take her mind off the boredom of brunei. that boredom hasn't seem to hit me during these holidays though so lets hope for both our sakes, the same happens to her.

no really. i swear, the gym is a must for tomorrow. and again, a rather obscure and slightly illiterate post. god, i fudging hate periods. there's no connection between that and the former, by le way.

2007-07-07T05:47:00.000+08:00

listening to: nothing better by the postal service.

there are times where i seriously question my 'social enigma', as it has been referred to in the past. namely the question of how is it that i'm unable to connect with people of my own age group. i grew up no different from others my age. i had no out-of-the-ordinary experience that has forced me to change my mindset. yet though i may sometimes feel i've grown up too fast, i've come to realise that there will never be any way i can ever go back to thinking like how the general teenager thinks or acts, if i ever did at all. who knows.

obviously i'm able to get along fine with them and share many common interests on several different levels but there will be numerous times where i'm surrounded by a group of like teens and where i will take a step back and let my silence encompass me once more as i observe and find myself wondering what the hell am i doing there or even to try and get a grip on my temper. not that i'm saying there's anything wrong with them, because in fact, if there was something wrong, it'd most likely be with me instead. observing them though.. it's what i like to do; i like to watch people. (oh god, i'm a freak.) i don't know whether its snooty or haughty to say i get along better with older people, yet it's what i feel. being this way has its disadvantages, i agree. but the advantages outweigh them immensely. but this still doesn't prevent me from questioning how i got this way or why exactly do i think like this. i suppose its not for me to question the inner workings of my own mind, let alone anybody else's.

having this holiday has allowed me to escape the unnecessary drama and the irrelevant occurrences of teenagers that they love to conjure up for themselves. it has enabled me to enjoy time with people with whom i am able to act like myself, not have to hold back and where i can say what i want to say. recently though, i have met up with the people i will be sharing the next two academic years of my life with and it has brought me crashing back down from my little pedestal in my comfort zone to the brutal, sharp edges of reality. boy, have i landed right squarely on my ass with the realisation that i'll have to cope with it somehow. this time though, i won't be surrounded by my two major forces of sanity, otherwise known as my two closest friends who i am able to easily connect with in my year...

ohygosh i'm so fucked. the number of times i lose my temper is steadily going to increase, it appears.

cue the sigh as i sign off with these questions and thoughts buzzing in my head like flies around a rubbish tip. my wonderful analogies, right? early morning ramblings tend to be so confusing. i won't be surprised if i wake up this afternoon, look back on this and wonder what the hell was i on about or just how egotistical this post is.

bah, humbug.

2007-07-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

listening to: +81 by deerhoof.

this'll just be a quickie to let you all know that, yes, i am alive. whether you want to take that as a curse or blessing is completely up to you.

in fact, the reason why there has been a notable silence on my site is because i've been far too busy to blog, hence the hiatus. i'm constantly out nowadays, whether its a last minute arrival to some late night party, trudging my wobbly little behind to the gym or just some cosy socializations at one of our (my friends and i) usual spots. i've even managed to cram in some high heel tottering around brunei in the hopes of a good fashion purchase, many memorable road trips and a few chaotic cooking sessions. one factor is constant throughout all the times though - it's never been boring.

it's been an eventful holiday so far but i really can't be arsed to tell you all about it because i doubt there are enough gigabytes on the net to support the long-winded post that would be written out. also, the lack of school has resulted in my becoming illiterate and i just really don't have the time to let you all know about how much better my life is compared to yours.

maybe someday in the near future, there will be a proper post that will actually be slightly apprehensible. but then again, it's me. who knows.

happy holidays, everybody.

2007-06-13T14:01:00.000+08:00

listening to: heartbeats by the knife.

exams are over. even just typing those three simple words sends a zing of excitement rushing through my system. the sweet scented knowledge that there will be no pressing deadlines, no hectic all-nighters, no gloomy mornings where i wake up with some immense project bearing down on my mind is probably one of the best feelings i've felt these past two days.

this taste of freedom is refreshing and though one may argue that soon it'll become too boring to bear, soon i'll long for that adrenaline of accomplishing some educational goal or that soon i'll feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied, i'll say i've definitely felt no hint of that whatsoever the two days that i have had freedom. in fact, if these past two days are anything to go by, my ten weeks of peace (or rather, lack thereof) will definitely have meaning, will definitely be fulfilling and will definitely be filled with satisfaction. and most definitely lack boredom.

of course, i'm not saying i didn't have fun during my exam time. saying i didn't would be like saying i'm not a materialistic, shallow and amazingly coolsuperduperawesomehotass girl. *snort* okay, maybe not the latter but the former. it's just that these ten weeks promise much more. the exam time was a teasing taster of my days, or rather, nights to come. i've already launched in full swing with two fun-filled days and will continue to stay in this tangent for as long as the summer lasts.

obviously there is a downside to the ending of exams. people leaving, namely that amazing best friend who has accompanied me through many moments of fun in the past and another childhood friend who i've shared many ups and downs with. not only them, but my force for sanity, the voice in my head (especially during maths lessons) who happens to be turning to the dark side. yet my sadness due to this is undermined by the eager anticipation i feel because of the fact that many beloveds are jetting their way back here to this lil ol' abode of peace. happy days can't even begin to describe this summer.

and on that zesty little sunshine ray of a note, that said summer calls to me. i hope you'll enjoy yours as much as i plan to enjoy mine. people, don't take what has been so lovingly presented to you for granted.

2007-06-02T06:41:00.000+08:00

listening to: again and again by the bird and the bee.

with little sleep yesterday, i set off in the early afternoon for a whole days full of undiluted, concentrated and pure lethal fun. you know when you arrive back at dawn and wish to do it all over again, despite the immense need for sleep, that it was definitely a good day/night and then day again. another one to add to my vastly-expanding and quickly-growing list of "amazing moments in brunei".

i think this place is growing on me like a mould grows on rocks.

2007-05-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

listening to: banquet by bloc party.

my heart is completely taken. sorry, people. not only has it been kidnapped by those twinnies on the other side of the world but by the two very special men in my life. you may now all call me "Mrs. Tong", wife to the 'ohmygodgivemeorgasms' Matt Tong. I may also be referred to as "Mrs. Boyd", wife to 'hecanlickmeanyday' Brandon Boyd. I'm not picky... either is fine.

2007-05-25T06:05:00.000+08:00

listening to: next contestant by nickelback.

the sun is inching its way up past the horizon and though i should be asleep, i've gone through this exact same procedure of being awake at this time for the past... two months?

exams do give me that chance to sleep in, which i love i admit. but it comes at a price and my nocturnal habits kick into overdrive, meaning i haven't slept at a decent time in weeks. of course i wouldn't mind it so much were it the summer holidays, something i eagerly anticipate, but its not. this is exam time and this sleep schedule is cramping my style.

i find myself unable to go out as freely as i would like. i don't get to see some of my friends as much, i don't get to see that cute-assed guy as much, i don't get to see my parents as much. okay the latter doesn't really change throughout the year but it made that list the tiny bit longer.

the worst has yet to come as exams for my most dreaded subjects start this tuesday but thankfully they're also the last exams of this set.

seventeen more exam days, counting the days without exams and weekends. ugh. for once i wish time would just zip on by like it usually does.

2007-05-23T06:33:00.000+08:00

listening to: i love you always forever by donna lewis.

oh, i am so kicking it old school with this song. amazing how music can bring back recollections as crisp as the days, hours, seconds in which they were created.

it's the moments when everything is right, just as it should be. take the time out to look around you and really take in the scenery, whether it be the plush spicy red fabric of the chair's cushion you sit on or the stars that are sometimes faded by the faint wisps of clouds scattered around the night sky.

enjoy the late nights where the street light reflects off of the shine of your smile, the gorgeous crinkles around your eyes as you enjoy the laughter, the presence and the company of others - others who understand you, others who never fail to make you bubble with joy, others with whom you can really say what you want without being thought of as a fool. because they don't care, it's what they like best about you.

remember the empty streets, the yellow-tinged light that illuminates the smooth tarmac road, the feel of the cool night breeze that sends the slightest of shivers up your spine or the smooth polished wood handles of that chair you rock back and forth on. the sound of flowing calm chatter that mingles with the awe-inducing silence that comes with being one of the few to still be awake and out at such an ludicrous time.

think about the closeness you revel in. the perfect amount of people, the right people, the right setting is the key to a perfect memory. you'll never get a chance to relive it, thus you must take in as much of it as you can. a memory to look back on, to cherish, to bring that smile to your face that only others who lived that moment with you will understand. it's your secret to share with only them, because only they'd understand it, only they'd feel what you feel when you think about it. use it to brighten up a dark day, use it to remind you of what you once had or have and enjoyed or enjoy.

this is brunei. there is no other place quite like it. there is no other place that can create memories quite like these. there is no place with people as great, times as intimate, closeness as beautiful or safety as comforting as is found here.

i must learn not to take advantage of things like this. i think i'm making good progress.

2007-05-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

listening to: i got your money by odb ft. kelis.

miri? it was fantastic. my only regrets were that it was only for a night and that i must have piled on so many pounds. oh and that i didn't shop more, but i have my reasons why. plus i know i'll be going again sometime soon, so the disappointment isn't that immense. what i thought would be a shitty time turned into (so far) one of this year's best weekends.

of course i have photos (not enough though). of course i have tales. of course i have descriptions. but ...of course i'm too lazy to write it all out.

two weeks into exams and i'm managing to stay afloat, keep what little sanity i have, fuck up my sleeping schedule even more than possible. awake til dawn, sleep for a few hours, exam, come home, sleep and then wake up at night. rinse and repeat. the exams i've had so far have been relatively easy, much easier than i had anticipated. but i guess we'll know for sure when those dreaded marks come out, eh.

i was asked today whether i feel like i have a home, being a eurasian and of mixed heritage. a fairly simple and understandable question. unfortunately, it's one with a complex answer i have yet to fully grasp or realise. i'll admit, growing up, i was always slightly confused about which was my real home. the western world or asia? in asia, i am called 'white'. in western countries, i'm 'asian'. i lied to this person and replied them with the answer that no, i have always felt like i belong. that's all everybody wants deep down.. to belong, to be able to relate to other people, to have people relate to you. i'm not an outsider, i'm not.

keep telling yourself that, maybe one day it'll be true.

every cloud has its silver lining and every situation has its advantages and disadvantages, definitely including this one. i've come to accept the "ohmygosh, you're eurasian" status. i've had to stand having ridiculous preconceptions thought up about me due to my looks. i've even had to go through seeing another eurasian being called derogatory names; mudblood. mutt. luckily, growing up in an international school and surrounded by 'others like me', i've gradually realised that it doesn't matter. i still have a mom and dad and siblings who love me (or so i like to think). i still have a healthy and lovely carefree life. i've still got the boobs and ears and butt. huzzah, bitches - ain't so different now eh? haha!

it's true that home is where the heart is. and as for deciding which is my home? who says we only have to have one home. if my heart lies in two places, two different worlds, then so be it. it must mean i have two homes, making me all the more grateful because, in the end, no matter where i am in the world... due to this mixed heritage, i will never be alone. somebody i know and love, somebody of relation to me will always be close by and i could never ask for anything greater than that knowledge.

being eurasian is cool. respeeeeeck, yo.

2007-05-04T17:09:00.000+08:00

listening to: noche de sexo by wisin y yandel ft. aventura.

taking a break from the studying, i was craving something a little sweet and true to my diet, settled for some vibrant tropical fruits instead. as my family has now realised just how serious i am about losing weight, the fridge has been removed of all sweets (other than that freshly baked key lime tart) and shelves have been stocked up and piled high with an immense and vividly-coloured abundant supply of fruit and vegetables, also accompanied by wholewheat bread and skim milk.

the delicate fruits never fail to disappoint and make an excellent, if not better, replacement for those less-than-healthy tidbits i've been extremely tempted by. it's the best thing to have a supportive family when going through these tough times like this. brings to mind those AA meetings: "hi. my name is dee and it's been 8 months since i last drank soda or ate any chips".

so, i've got to keep to my word about posting up 'pretty pictures' for margaret and this leads up to my basic topic of today, which is food. this is due to the fact i'm inspired by what transpired in my kitchen just now, namely me whipping up another storm in there. i've decided to fuse the two together; food and pretty pictures, to bring you today's mouth watering, drool-inducing, eye-popping picture post. if i can't enjoy it, at least i can dream of enjoying these decadent and sinfully sweet bites:

and you'll note that most of those were cupcakes. courtesy of the cupcake crazy sister, who sent me a link a long time ago to this genius woman's site, whom we shall all give our souls to for one of her wonderful and magnificent miracles. the ideas she comes up with, the recipes she creates... your life will not be complete without flicking through a few of her recipes for these tiny cakes of divinity: clickettyclick.

2007-05-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

listening to: anonymous by bobby valentino ft. timbaland.

you must never let it get to you, this game of point the finger. surround yourself by only ones who mean good. maintain a level and clear head to stay away from that and those who cause that. try and wash off all stains and feelings of negativity. scrub hard.

just to keep you all intrigued, here's a cute little insight: there was a huge and long-winded post before this. deletage, please. the power of a few clicks - talk about power trip. the reason would be because i'll keep those things locked up in my mind, only to be revealed to the 8 rocks in my life. whose rock am i?

i am finally back to my little temple of serenity, surrounded by the calming effects of my music, my tea and the ability to block out all people i'd rather not communicate with, despite my gregarious mannerisms. there are times you need to be alone, its an essential for everybody. it feels good to let all the histrionics wash away.

to celebrate my easing and ebbing of the emotions and most likely your inability to understand what i'm going on about, let's end with pretty pictures. expect more imageposts in the time leading up to exams. i have no time to write, i have no time to release the onslaught of thoughts that have been bombarding my brain.

.. haha, no. i'm just messing with you all. no pretty pictures. lets fuck with your mind, shall we?

2007-04-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: nocturnal eye by alias & tarsier.

taking a break from the studying, i enjoyed a day out at the sunday splash, giving me a little taster of the summer to come. plus it gave me that chance to just relax for those few rare hours and to top it off, because they're so fuckable, i'll post the constant figures of the day up in photos (some of which may be distorted due to the host i'm using). these'll be pictures of the hunks who i had the honour of being graced by throughout this carefree sunday, so ladies, keep your panties on! there were others too, but didnt get the opportunity to stalk them and take lil snapshots.

...okay, the reason why it's a photopost is also because i've just painted my nails a bright, shocking glittery disco blue and to type a lot might fuck them up. and we all know that fucked up nails is a major pet peeve of mine.

so yes, photolove, man. oh and to add that little extra kick, there's a video tossed in there amongst the images of t doing his 'thang', not enough images of nj and the ever-elusive kham to satisfy my appetite and hyped up nick plus mini (albino-frizz-haired) me:

and because he looks insanely adorable and amazingly innocent here...

alright, that should suffice you nosey buggers for the next few weeks while i study. or at least attempt to.

2007-04-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

listening to: moon by sia.

recently, everybody has been questioning me about the wide variety of songs (most credit: kanna) that they've heard on my mp3/computer/phone/me humming and want to download. as i'm a lazy fudge and wish not to repeat myself, i'm posting up a top 15 list of the most asked about songs.

1. mon coeur, mon amour - anaïs.
2. u got me - akon ft. timbaland.
3. can't leave 'em - ciara ft. 50 cent.
4. scatman - scatman john.
5. vans - the pack.
6. pale septembre - camille.
7. breathe in - frou frou.
8. underwater love - smoke city.
9. empty streets - late night alumni.
10. la vie en rose - edith piaf.
11. la notte - cassius.
12. tahiti - bat for lashes.
13. on a high - duncan sheik ft. gabriel & dresden.
14. right where it belongs - nine inch nails.
15. three libras - a perfect circle.

repetition ain't cool, yo. specially when i'm the one who has to keep doing it. hopefully this will prevent that. (:

2007-04-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

listening to: mon couer, mon amour by anais.
feeling: disconnected.

long overdue, i know. working myself to the bone over art and various other pieces of homework, it's led me to wonder how exactly am i supposed to study if these teachers just keep on piling on the homework?

all this work has restricted my social outings and this results in me feeling... well, out of it. having been in this mode for weeks now, its led me to feeling diluted, washed out, letting everything spill over me yet not take anything in. and with its usual perfect timing, this has come at the time where i should care the most.

exams are in three weeks and i'm not stressed, i'm not scared. what does scare me though is the fact i'm not worrying, not even bothered by the fact they're rapidly approaching, closer with every passing day. i should be worried. i should be bothered. i should be nervous, stressed, scared. it leads me to question my sanity at this time, repressing those urges to just scream at everybody and not care anymore. because i know i'm not doing this for myself. it's what everybody tells me "do it for yourself, prove them all wrong". but i really, honestly, truly do not give a shit.

i'll presume i'm not the only one going through this. i'll hope its a normal pre-exam phase. i'll wish it were a mentality i will have the fortunate luck to quickly snap out of. i'll try to not make such a mess out of life, stop making so many mistakes, try that little bit more (or even try at all).

but for now, i'll go on, watching life as an outsider.

2007-04-04T08:10:00.000+08:00

listening to: class chit chat.
feeling: tired.

nets out, astro is out and i'm booooooooored as hell at home nowadays. why do holidays have to be so short?

right, just a short illiterate post to wish some of my favourite girls a happy sweet sixteen. because they are the hot hot sex and even just the thought of them makes me orgasm twenty seven times.

they've done more for me than they'll ever know (including keeping my temper down when it comes to the parents.. most of the time) and even now, two or so odd years after their departure from this lil abode of peace, i miss them more then i ever expected. it's a blessing to know i'm just as close to them as i always was and nothing has changed between us, only the distance.

but anyway. this'll be short, sweet and stripped down. no flowery speech or elusive teenage jargon used to get across the simple fact across that i love them. love love love to ickly wickle bits.

Happy 16th Birthday Allison&Victoria.

i love you two.

anyway. theres a long overdue post that'll include pictures, updates, rantings, whinings, the whole shenanigan. but that'll have to wait until my net comes back on and i have the spare time.

2007-03-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

listening to: joyous schoolkids on the way home.
feeling: icky, hot, sweaty, lethargic - boooored.

yesterday was the main furniture. couches, beds, dressers. all we managed to purchase though was one couch set. a cute one, albeit. unfortunately, not all of the pieces of the set are in malaysia. only one is. the rest are in uk or sweden. so right now, in my house, all we have is one couch. yep, a single couch.

all the kitchenware is arriving on saturday along with the washing machine. but we still have a long way to go. there are the lights to pick out (i'm vying for those mini artsy spotlights in my room that hang off runners so you can adjust them and move them around), the attic floors to varnish and sand down, the bathtub, the railings... the list is endless. we haven't even looked at paint. sigh. on the good side though, measurements for the railings and the curtains/blinds were done yesterday, so those shall be completed soon.

i was going to tell you all my entire plan for my room(s), but i can't be arsed to type it all out.

instead, let me tell you of all the things i've wanted to buy in kuching. from that scarf i've desired for ages, to that cute country mini dress that looked amazing on me, if i may say so myself. shoes were definitely on the list too and so were those cute pair of earrings i've had my eye on. i also managed to fall in love with the new guess bags i saw, but unfortunately, i had already spent all my money on some other important items. all is not a failure though. i managed to snag some pretty good things that'll serve me well in the future. but yet again, upon seeing all these wondrous material goods, the list of wants has grown longer. as i said to my cousin, "where is that goddamn rich husband when i need him?!"

there's something to be said for old fashioned village life. as modernity hasn't fully reached this area yet, it means that the people in this village act quite different than from what i'm used to. it has both its disadvantages and its advantages. but lets not dwell on the negative and dark side, shall we? ignorance is bliss, they say. the entire point is this: the guys here whom i have had the honour of meeting... are such gentleman! and don't you dare say otherwise and ruin this quaint impression i have in my head. gwahaha.

keep in mind that i'm referring to the village only. here, instead of the usual "psst-psst-ing" that you'll recieve when in town or in brunei, they 'send their regards' through a cousin/friend/other family member of yours. and the old traditional wine'n'dine is still in use too. guy takes out girl (as in actually picks her up), they go out alone together and guy pays for girl without expecting anything in return. they don't even have to be on a date. already racking up the free drinks here, the boys just like to pay for the girls, whether it be just a simple girl friend or more. this applies to credit too, as shown by my much sought after cousin, who hasn't let all the attention get to her head, thankgosh. it's so adorable and has definitely accumulated points in my book. they're quite shy too, which is extremely cute but once you get to know them, they're funny and amazing people. it also takes them by surprise when they find out the "orang putih" who they thought was on a whole different level, is just as stupid, just as silly and just as weird as them. not that they're weird of course - it's an example.

i'm not saying all guys in brunei aren't like this obviously. it's just that here, they're in abundance and just somehow act different. more calm, less brash, innocent, less dramatic, more well mannered - gentlemans.

anyway. though i'm on a faint resemblance of a diet, i've managed to reintroduce myself to the style of eating that i normally use when here. and no, i'm not talking about eating with your hands (though that is a bonus). i'm talking belacan, good ol' rice, tapioca leaves, bubur ayam, queh teow in soup with wanton dumplings, chicken rice, ikan belis, salty fish, beef noodles, nasi lemak. the whole shenanigan and more. i haven't eaten western in ages and though i miss it, i'm relishing in my asian side and the ample and bountiful delicacies that are a part of it.

pictures have been taken but because i'd rather take a freezing cold shower now than sit infront of this computer like a lazy bum, i'll just do that when i can be stuffed. plus, having no water heater does have its benefits. i'm quickly adjusting to it and may even take my own freezing shower once in a while when back in brunei.

despite all of kuchings amazing attractions, i still miss brunei though. 3 more days.

-- edit --

why am i always the one to initiate action first? it's time for some input on their behalf because i'm questioning certain peoples motives towards and for me. so, doesn't doubting suck? but then again, not if your reasons for doubting are justified and logical, which i personally think mine are. or am i being an irrational bitch? ah who careees. and its my blog. i can say whatever i want and think whatever i want and if this is too personal for you, GWHAHAHAHAH fuck you. the latter had no relevance to before, by the way. wait, maybe not. because everything is connected, whether we like it or not. oohoohohoh.

shit, went a little crazy there. heat stroke possibly? (:

2007-03-20T10:55:00.000+08:00

listening to: we ride by jackpott and nj.
feeling: de nada, guapos.

this'll be a slightly rushed and illiterate post since i'm just about to set out once more.

as i was rather unfair in my last post, let's concentrate on the key highlights so far:

- sugar cane. chomping down on this sarawakian delicacy immediately teleported me back to the days of old. mmm, sugar high? yes please. nothing better than au natural, i say.
- eating with hands. huzzah, back to my roots! i've once again gotten in touch with that more tribal side of me and perfected the art of eating with my fingers. of course this doesn't apply to eating out, but inside the house? it's all about the fingers, baybeh.
- seeing the grandparents and other favourites of the family. there's never any getting enough, from the crazy cousin who runs into the door to the tiny short grandparents. okay, that's an understatement. everybody here is short. not only do i feel fat, but tall too, meaning my proportion is more in balance, i suppose. at least i'm a giant somewhere?
- shopping. when did it get so good? so little time, so many things.
- sleeping in. okay this one is just so the list is that little bit longer. i don't actually get to sleep in. like yesterday morning, for example. i was forced to rise at the ungodly hour of nine am. yes people, nine am. sacrilegious, right?

yesterday i actually stepped out of the house on my own free will. of course, when shopping calls, i answer immediately. first off on the list of places to stake out was the "from house to home" store where daaamn, shiny silver kitchenware everywhere. and that was just downstairs. it had my mom and i both drooling. imagine the numerous meals that'll be cooked up on those supersize ovens. my qualifications for a good oven? something large enough to stuff those bodies of your ex-boyfriends into. (burn, baby. burn.)

then there was the upper floor. don't you hate it when they have these example rooms set up and you feel like just saying "screw the house, let's move into the store". not only did they -- HAHAHA my little cousin just did a whooper fart! damn right, be proud girl! proud! -- have those retro fridges and this new fandangled power supply system, which we're most likely purchasing, but also cool salt and pepper shakers. because we all know its the shakers that really make the kitchen.

then there's the numerous material items i want. ohlordie, when did the shopping here get so good? today is another outing to spend the loads of dosh my parents have kindly bestowed upon me (i wish) and again, i'll be dragging my poor cousin, who is one of the many, all over town in search for that perfect item. i actually feel quite empathetic for her because she's going to have to sit through me making all my decisions... and for those who know me with many choices, you know just how long i take.

i also finally took the opportunity to visit that house. though at first i was extremely pissed off, throwing one of my 'little' tantrums in that huge living room, which by the way has a kickass ceiling that reminds me of the inside of a church, creating quite a hilarious scene - big room, little girl jumping up and down with a huge displeased look on face. but after some explanation from the parents about a few things that had irked me, i've finally accepted the house and eagerly await the actual decoration because so far, all we've been doing is shopping. not that i mind, of course. but i will try and take pictures for you all since i know just how nosey you viewers are.

don't deny it. it's human nature. the entire 'curiosity killed the cat (but satisfaction brought it back)' saying.

five days left.

2007-03-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

listening to: little messenger alert sounds.
feeling: insane.

you know you're in quop (or is it qoup?), kuching when the first sight you're greeted with is some half naked man on a bike, exploring the depths of his left nostril, conducting an experiment to see what alien life forms live in there and just how far up he can really shove his index finger into it.

oh yeah. how much i missed the rural village life.

hahaha okay okay, it's not that bad and it only is the first day, albeit a hot, sweaty and crappy day. but i really do wish i were back in brunei, weird as it is for me to say that. it's such an inconvenience to my studying as i've only been able to pack so little for revision. and relying on the internet to help me revise is no use either as i just end up getting side tracked and begin to chat to people who i would normally never dream of chatting with. but then again, that might be a good thing. gives me a chance to talk to people whom i normally never would talk to, learn new things about them, maybe disprove my first impressions?

my little cousin is so adorable. she makes me just want to run up to her and bite her cute chubby cheeks.

so i haven't even laid eyes on the house yet but it's one of the things i'm most looking forward to. i'll take a shit load of pictures to dazzle you all with. "this is doorknob. cute, right?" or "this is me infront of doorknob. can't see doorknob though because dian has gained weight now blocks everybody's vision. excuse her tub of lard aura."

A HAH! i've just discovered google earth on this machine, which coincidentally, i was about to smash an hour ago due to its stupidity. either that or it was my stupidity. i can be so technologically retarded at the worst of times.

shit. somebody in my neighbourhood has quite a nice pool. i shall befriend them and use them for their pool.

it's saturday. i should be out in gadong or just out, full stop. plus i'm now thinking that the travelling light notion wasn't such a good idea. not only would i have managed to get some excercise done by lugging around huge bags filled with crap i really don't need, but i'm thinking that i should have brought some other useful things. nail file, nail polish, books, earrings, more shoes, bikinis, sunglasses, cotton pads, the cat, the goldfish, the guy, the friends, the bed, the aircon, the closet. you know? the essentials to pass the time by faster.

expect a whole lot more posts these next 8 or whatever days because i'll be using them to pass the time quicker and keep me from mischief.

days left til brunei: eight long and dreary ones.

2007-03-14T07:55:00.000+08:00

listening to: werewolf by cocorosie.
feeling: let down.

since i can't be stuffed to get anymore serious and dreary, stripping down my inner thoughts and revealing those tender spots of mine, let's talk toon.

never would i have thought of turtles as being butt-kicking, martial art experts. when i think turtle, i don't exactly think bad-ass and i always wonder what was going through the creator's mind when he/she created this wild concoction. but somehow, something so completely far-fetched has become one of the world's most infamous cartoons, right up there alongside wonder woman and the transformers, whom my sister is an avid fan of. introducing the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

but seriously. turtles. don't they move really slow?

either way, i'm still a devoted fan of their cartoons and can recollect the early mornings (when i actually did get up in the morning) when i vegetated away in front of my tv, chomping down on that huge bigger-than-me bowl of honey stars. mmm.. honey stars. frizzy hair obscuring my view, what little i did see of the tv from under that wild mop of mine, i liked.

i don't know why though. i mean, it was no different from any other ass-crushing cartoon back in the day, where no cartoon creators worried about being p.c and just served up good, old fashioned and violent toons to satisfy that blood-thirsty savage side of ours. blowing up somebody's head with a new-fangled laser that resembles a pen-drive? no way, we do it old-school. lead pipes have a far better blood spatter and visual effect! scare those kids into obedience, i say.

i think one of the main reasons why it was so popular was because of the fact that the heroes were turtles. that one ridiculous concept was what drew in the audience and kept them addicted. it was something nobody sober could ever imagine and appealed to the geek and under-dog in all of us.

when i heard a movie was coming out, salivating at the mouth, i eagerly scrambled to my computer to google it and what i saw disappointed me.

revealing the 'new and improved' steroid turtles, these hardly resemble turtles anymore. to my grief, they've been modernized and buffed up. they no longer appeal to that under-dog in me. i mean, look:

buff and beefy, they look like they possess no more intelligence. the types to speak in the gutteral tones of neanderthals, only this time, suited up with all the every day modern conveniences such as shiny new triple-sword-whatever-the-hell-it's-called. what happened to kicking it old school, like before? personally, i hate it. who ever said that new was always better?

dammit, you big shot corporate asses.

2007-03-13T20:33:00.000+08:00

listening to: who gives a crap.
feeling: again, who cares.

this is seriously so pathetic. i am seriously so pathetic. it's my self-proclamation.

2007-03-12T12:31:00.000+08:00

listening to: the teacher talk.
mood: crappycraaaaaappycrap.

skip past the following if you've no desire to read an entire review on a restaurant.

personally, the amalgamation of good food, good atmosphere and good company is as close to perfect bliss as possible. brought up on excellent food and amongst people with good artistic taste (generally) who are able to hold an excellent conversation, i've the honour of confidently saying that there are many times where i've been able to enjoy these near-perfect moments and had the pleasure of living them throughout my not-so many years.

recommended to me recently by a fellow food snob (elaine) was a quaint little restaurant located in a rather old and small hotel. arriving with the misconception that it'd be just like most other "good" restaurants in brunei (meaning not completely up to my standards) my expectations were already at a low. yet i was taken aback upon my arrival by the intimate interior and classy design of the place, which was dimly lit by soft, warming lights. the gentle music and delicate candles completed this romantic setting and the atmosphere and attitude of the other patrons just added to the tranquil scene. no brash ringing phones, no smoking allowed and just a gentle and low comforting hum of chatter, which created an easy and calming tone to the whole thing. they had also taken temperature into consideration, meaning it was neither too cold that it froze your food 5 minutes after arriving on your table nor too hot that you'd sweat away those extra 2 pounds you'd put on last week, which would only be added to because of the meal. it had already passed my first test: environment and atmosphere.

of course, the company i was accompanied with supplied me with good conversations and i enjoyed various discussions from the american government to travelling in other countries. second test down. only the good food - the hardest test amongst all three - to complete.

given the sophisticated looking menu, i was spoilt with so many choices to choose from and my mouth had already begun watering by the sight of seeing a fellow customer dig into one of the best looking steaks i have ever seen at a restaurant in brunei.

mind racing from deciding between the 1/2 dozen of fresh oysters, the chicken liver and pistachio pate, sauteed stuffed mushrooms with bacon and cheese, grilled camembert with cranberry conserve and pistachios, escargot served with a light butter and garlic herb sauce or even just the blue cheese fondue with prawns and mussels and lightly toasted slices of baguette, i was at a loss for which to choose. they had already managed to tempt me into a fevor with the mere suggestions of such wonders. and these were just starters!

finally settling on the the blue cheese fondue, followed by my main course of a fresh seafood basket served with hot chips, basically a glorified version of fish and chips, and all washed down with a refreshing tall glass of ice blended lime, i eagerly awaited my meals to arrive, all whilst nibbling away of the soft and warm baguette bread and garlic butter they served us. not only that, but they had kindly and thoughtfully supplied each elegantly laid table with a huge bottle of unopened spa water.

thinking it would be ages before my food finally arrived, i was joyfully taken by surprise when in what seemed like no time at all, my starter arrived. a hot, bubbling pot of cheesy goodness. though it wasn't the particular type of blue cheese i normally prefer, this one was a lighter and more delicate version, a perfect accompaniment to the crunchy bread it was served with. the basket of lightly battered and fried seafood only heightened my good opinion of the place and the lavish serving of chips was more than enough to sedate my appetite. the drink was by no means a let down either, composing of fresh blended limes, it was the perfect combination of refreshing yet not too tarty.

finally ready to complete my meal with the recommended "hot chocolate souffle", i was a bit let down to discover that i'd have to allow 25 minutes for preparation time, and unwilling to wait as i had work to do at home, i settled for the caramelized apples with fresh whipped cream and to top it off, the irish coffee which i expected to follow the generic malay standard, meaning no irish whiskey, becoming just the typical coffee and cream.

gladly proven wrong, the coffee did indeed have the essential whiskey and easily flowed down the throat, warming you from the inside. the caramalized apples, though a little too sweet for my liking, was still excellent too. served with proper cream, no spray can stuff, the sharp tang of the green apples created a perfect contrast to the sweetness of the sauce it was cooked in. it was a fusion of the coldness of the cream with the warmth of the cooked apples and was a delight to the senses.

arriving home and made drowsy by the fullness of my stomach, i gladly passed out at around about midnight, waking up this morning with a smile. it's amazing what a great meal can do to the mood.

anyway, recently i've been faced with bouts of paranoia. we've all faced the expectations of others and the longing to make them proud of us, not wanting them to be ashamed. whether it be ashamed to know you or ashamed to be seen with you. although normally i wouldn't give two shits, if it's somebody of importance to me, of course i'd want to make them proud and recently, i've been feeling as if i haven't, sad as it is to admit it. or if i ever have. i never know where i stand with people and it frustrates me and may be a reason for why i get so paranoid. i'm always thinking how they could do much better than me because, hell, there are many more better people in the world.

accompanied with this paranoia and uncertainty, i'll lash out and get bitchy, spoilt and quite aggressive, a side i'd rather nobody have the bad luck of being exposed to. i'll also have certain moments where i just zone out, stare deep into space as i ponder and reflect on any issue under the sun. it takes a real patient and caring person/people to put up with me like this and that leads back to the whole thing of 'if they're so caring about me (or so i like to think)... why am i doubting their opinion of me?' well the answer to that is unknown because i have no idea why. it's a negative part of me that i'd love to be rid of it. maybe it's the thing where i don't know where i stand.

for those people who have had to put up with me these past moods: parents, friends and more, i'd like to apologise. i don't want to lose any of you and i don't mean to do it, it's just that i can't seem to stop it. my passing phase that occurs once every few months. or maybe i just never try to stop it, which hopefully isn't the case. i'd like to get better but give me time, give me aid, give me a slap over the head when i'm getting stupid - whatever you feel will work.

i really am making no sense whatsoever right now and i can't seem to say what i'm thinking. it frustrates me when the sentences i type don't articulate the thoughts i possess.

dnhejwyugyuarghfuckfuckfuckdweudhuweiidwedhDAMMIT.

i guess we all have changes we need to make, ranging from my stubborn qualities to your cynicism. and despite how much i admire privacy, there can be such thing as too much at times. sometimes we really do need to give a straight answer when answering people's questions, tell them whats going on in your head. how much harm can it do? we've still years to live, so why not try something different and actually confide in those who care?

whateeeeveeer. yadddaaa yadddaaa yaddaaa. sighfudgemuffins.

i feel so terrible and guilty and strangely enough, quite tired despite the fact i had a nice amount of sleep. i'm sure i'm not the only one to feel this way or to think these things. girls especially. damned female hormones (haha yep, lets lay the blame on them).

i just need to talk one on one. posting is sometimes too public. and my post makes no sense to me at the moment. but then again, do they ever? gwahaha.

2007-03-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

listening to: chase the sun by planet funk.
feeling: like some pearl milk bubble tea. hmmm.

the stars are out in abundance tonight and i'm blessed with a clear night sky looking down on me. it has a calming effect, giving me a chance to just dwell in my own company, serenaded by some relaxing songs. i think the fact that my shuffled playlist is playing tranquil music is no coincidence either.

flowers, bunnies, hearts. flowers, bunnies, hearts. flowers, bunnies, hearts. and to add a little kick to that mixture, sunshine and smiles. sunshine and smiles. sunshine and smiles.

looking over all my french work, it suddenly just seemed to click. everything started to make sense and i suddenly got all that had confused me before. now if only this had come a month or two earlier, then maybe things wouldn't appear so dismal to me.

i was told today that next year, IB will possibly be offering beginners malay, along with the already offered beginners spanish. though overjoyed at the prospects of finally being able to communicate successfully throughout brunei and malaysia, i'm at a crossroads with this decision and these choices.

take spanish, a more universal language. plus the added benefits of it being an extra-sexilicious language appeals to me. not only that, but i'd understand it easily as it's similar to french, which i'm just beginning to fully grasp. did i mention how sexy it is? it's very sexy. uh huh.

take malay and stay in touch with my roots. i'd finally be able to speak it and not feel like a total retard everytime my family in malaysia tries to say something to me. this is made even more tempting by the fact that i can already get the gist of what they're saying and that as i've grown up around it and live in a country that speaks it, i'd be able to grasp it more efficiently and faster.

hopefully, whatever my decision may be, it'll be the right one. but that's an obvious desire, is it not?

does size really matter? let's address this topic. consider it today's little notion since i'm in a sagacious mood. and before your sexually-orientated minds begin to go wild and blood-thirsty with the prospects of me getting down and dirty with the vocals on "size" and its importance.... no. haha, i'm not discussing what we're all thinking. i'm considering the more boring idea of size. yknow? height and all that? not as exciting, is it. well, screw you then. this blog isn't posted to your demands, but mine instead.

i've recently read an article in some trashy womens magazine about how scientists have discovered that tall people, overall, do better in life on the whole. they're healthier, more successful, happier. you name it, they've dominated that area.

of course, being that i read this in said trashy womens mag, these facts are questionable. but it isn't the first time i've heard of this notion and boy, it sure makes life seem bleak for me and many other friends. it's like a message out there for us to see: "don't even bother. your lack of height means you will fail. you will fail."

well, eff that. after careful consideration, i've concluded that the only reason why they can be said to be more 'successful' is because they're just more obvious and prominent. literally. see, they missed out on all the more successful and awesome short people because a) they were too busy shitting cash to be counted in some silly survey and b) since they're short, the scientists didn't see them and therefore, assumed they don't exist, when in fact, they're everywhere. in the cracks, the corners, behind the big, glistening mahogany desks up on the top floor of some shiny new eco-building in a prospering city.

if they've based success on the amount of money you earn, as it tends to always be based upon, then in that case, the fact that models, who make a lot of money, are required to be extremely tall is an important factor in this survey. sure they make lots of money, but personally, i don't consider having a drug-riddled life where you starve yourself and throw up just to lose that one extra pound that you supposedly gained as a success. but that's just me, isn't it? and we all know dian doesn't think logically.

i mean, really. have they noted all the japanese business men? they're generally short in stature but very successful, conveyed by the fact that japan is now one of the worlds leading countries economy-wise. or what about tom cruise? okay, yes his success may be questionable, but he does have some very nice bikes. in my books, if you own a nice bike - hell, you are one very sexy and in-control man. and then there's my mom. measuring in at a very.. (actually, i don't know how short she is. let's just say "very short") tiny height, i consider her one of the more notable figures in my life, and one of the more successful ones at that. amongst her many traits and great accomplishments is the raising of four wild and unruly kids, yet she has still managed success with three of them. i'd say four, but i'm not too sure about myself.

then there's my grandparents on the asian side. my mom's lack in height had to come from somewhere and the similarities between them and her are crystal clear. yep, you got it. the shortness. say it like it's a good thing! still going strong at their old age, i never could have asked for more in a pair of wonderful grandparents. plus, i can confidently say that despite the hardships they went through, they appear to be very happy. and for certain they are very healthy. ask anybody who has met them and they'll say the same thing. it's also interesting to note that many of my smarter and more successful friends are short.

now, i'm not saying that we're better than tall people (we are though), but i'd just like some recognition for the wonders we've managed to achieve, the negativity in life that we've managed to defy. and yes, that includes natural selection if these so called facts are true. this disproves that theory. you will note that slowly but deftly, my army of little people is taking over.

haha, no, but seriously. i honestly believe that height has nothing to do with the outcome of your life and the way you live it. if only these scientists would realise that though. ah wells.

2007-03-05T11:24:00.001+08:00

listening to: slow it up by dj unk.
feeling: whiny.

there are few things i can't tolerate. wait, i take that back. there's too many things i can't tolerate. i really should get a life.

one of these irks on the rapidly expanding list is "name dropping". even the term sounds vile and evocative of some vulgar bathroom habit. i'm sure we've all come across a person who just loves to talk about who they know to impress you, though i wouldn't know why they want to impress you. you're nothing special. HAHA, okay okay anyway. i can just about tolerate those because hell, i'm sure we're all guilty of it, whether it was to impress that guy i had my eye on or to tempt somebody into being your friend. but if there's one thing that really makes me moan (and not in a good way), it's name droppers who don't even know the people they're talking about.

why. why?!

does it amuse you to name drop to me? about people you don't even know and who i know you don't even know? because what if i knew them? do you realise how embarrassing this whole situation would turn out for you? don't act like you know them when you obviously and clearly don't.

i try not to surround myself with these people because they're either very insecure or because i'll just end up smacking them down after putting up with their shit for a day. or an hour.

displaying traits of misrepresentation and deception, they have nothing to offer me but negativity. often, this name dropping is used to astonish, impress and make the reciever of the conversation feel like crap. like they're not as popular, not as good, not as renowned, not as famous. the fatal human flaw of always wanting to and thinking that you're better than everybody else. we're all guilty of this flaw as it's human nature. there's no use denying it.

well, i have news for you little nit pickers and name droppers out there: i don't want to be famous, thankyouverymuch. you can go take your conceited, bloated and self-absorbed egos and shove it where the sun don't shine. i don't mean to be mean (what a lie) but look around you. do you really think we care?

seriously.

2007-03-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: right where it belongs by nine inch nails.
feeling: inexovable.

free of belligerence, free of any more coursework, free to breathe for one day, if not more.

subsiding tempers, ebbing levels of anger within me - it appears as if i'm back. not one to be caught out though, i'd rather wait a few days before announcing the regaining of my old self (who was my old self?). settling and calming down once more, i've questioned this sudden and rapid change in moods, wondering whether it's the calm in the middle of the storm.

plus, on one hand, i'm getting the long awaited exemption... yet on the other, pressure is increasing. funny feeling, this is. yak yak yak, yadda yadda yadda - wouldn't it be cool if i were at a loss for words? always with an opinion on everything, just that she never expresses it all the time. or sometimes, she expresses it too much.

accomplishment of self-set goals (i will prove you wrong) and aided by music that soothes the soul, i've still ways to go but i think i'm getting there. i still attack those irks with a vehemence that can sometimes be a little too tiring, but hopefully one day i'll be able to channel that into a more productive area, incorporating it into my studies.

upcoming exams. parties needed to be planned. the party disguised as a prom? should i go or not? the organising of said party has turned into a battle for power, a show of leadership within my grade. who wants what, who doesn't like this, who is against that. a year ago, i'd be all up in the arguments raging away. one of the people close to yanking out another just-as-stubborn student's hair. no, now you'll find me quietly observing in the corner, bemused slightly at how out of it i've become. not that i'm saying it's a bad thing, mind you. life's become generally better in the past year, though it has been a bumpy road.

things to do, things to do. studying has and always will be on that list. a not so permanent member would be the typing up of more revision notes and reluctant studying for those orals next week. it's so close, too close. i've just got to stick it through and remain as bull-headed as i can be, which is a lot mind you. it's not all sweat and blood though, just think of the break i'm earning, the holidays, the chance to escape it all after these are done.

morale at an unstable and precarious level, i'm not doing it for myself anymore. you ruined this for me, you took away the fun. killjoy. grrrr~ and you. why are you all of a sudden trying to get back into my life? vanishing for a few months then parading your way back in, thinking its going to be flowers and sunshine. well its not. you'll just have to find that out the hard way. we're good though. it's that nonchalant quality we now possess.

i really have no idea what the fudge i'm on about. i suppose this is what you get when you've been so used to a certain level of stress and work every night, then have it suddenly all stop. completely. void in my life now? fxck no. it's a great thing, this no work. well, no coursework at least.

i want jell-o. the one with fruit bits in at the bottom, at the base.

i want to abolish animal abuse.

i want to save the world.

we can dream. we can dream, right? because what if this world i think i know is just an elaborate dream? where are the words i need to articulate everything. but at least i act out this bafflement in an elegantly insouciant manner.

now. where are those damned parents? they're out, yet again, and i want to sit by the tv with them, channel flicking til they throw the control at my head. it's a pretty big control - universal remote. fudge. that'd hurt. a lot. i am a master at stating the obvious, i've got breathtaking powers of deduction.

friend says he's going to get tattoo of name of girl who he's been with less than a year. i reply with an "uh oh. shit." because i am an amazing pillar of support and input. heh.

i topic hop too much. tgif.

2007-02-28T15:56:00.000+08:00

listening to: this is why i'm hot by m.i.m.s
feeling: infuriatingly pedantic.

that time of month? stress? i'm not sure. all i know is that in the past few days, i've been losing my temper with everybody (other than the usual, i.e. cyn and ...yeah, thats about it) and become increasingly annoyed with every little thing. things that aren't even as significant enough to be called pet peeves.

possibly the side-effects of the realisation that hit me two nights ago. you know? the usual "shit. exams are in 12 weeks or less", or maybe also the fact that i've an oral gcse exam next week. or maybe -- i don't know. my futile attempt at coming up with a logical reasoning as to why this sudden hike in rage levels has occurred isn't doing me any justice.

4 months of unadulterated work before that highly anticipated summer hits me like a gust of wind, carrying with it many occurances i eagerly wait for. can you smell that anticipation building? but in the meantime, thank the lord i'll be off to kuching for some relaxing r&r in march. and no, not rest and relaxation. screw that, what i desire is redecoration&rejuvination. exactly the needs i plan to fulfill. suicide by shopping. shop til you drop. i'm going to be living up to those time-honoured sayings. babydolls, i'll be making you proud.

accompanied with the frenzy of ire is a considerable dosage of self-doubt. not only just self-doubting though. doubting others too. everything and anything, it's a very pessimistic view on life i'm seeing right now... and that's really not me. i don't like it this way. give me back my rose-tinted glasses, let me live in obliviousness.

gosh, even just typing this all makes me think of things that bring my blood to the boil, grit my teeth in frustration, make me want to rip out your hair. okay, wait, thats taking it a little too far. haha, but yes, you get the idea. i can tell that if somebody were to make one little slip-up to/near/with me right now, they'd regret the day they even approached my sour self.

well, one tiny piece of good news though. or i could be just looking for a tiny glimmer of light and joy in this really dark and dismal environment i've created for myself. (ooooh, dramatic, dian) -- ah shit, there goes the negative thinking again. anyway, the mom and i were talking in the car on the way back from school and the possibility of more freedom is within my grasp. or that could be wishful thinking.

sigh. whatever. so not in the mood for this. everything i write, everything i type, everything i say seems disjointed to me now. don't even know why i decided to write this. impulse? habit? source of amusement because i'm in desperate need of one at the moment? you figure it out, because personally? i'm sick of trying to. tell me when you've got an answer.

i'm gonna pass out so i can pull another great long-nighter, filled with prospects of... writing more english essays. yeay.

2007-02-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

listening to: just believe by azeem + nj featuring diana.
feeling: lethargic.

if you're in brunei, you would have heard this song already, or at least of it. and if you haven't, you've been living under a rock. a big, heavy and mouldy rock. non-stop repeat on both my mp3 and my stereo, it's been drummed into my head and amazingly enough, i'm still not tired of it. it's genuinely good and i'm not just saying that because i'm a bias ass. okay, well i am bias, but for this case, it's not applied here.

anyway, let's talk alcohol.

yep, there we go, touching on one of those ever-famous teenage avocations and recreational pursuits. and no, this won't be a whole lecture on "don't drink it's bad for you blah blah blah", because if it were, i'd be one of the worst world's hypocrites (well, i might possibly be a contender for that already).

it's an addictive scene, i should know. it'll take you places and make you do things that you normally wouldn't dream of doing, whether it be something as simple as approaching that girl you've had your eye on for months but just have had the lack of courage to approach her... or to the more rampant and irrational incidents, such as the invasion of somebody's home.

i've just one message. i'm glad i'm free (or rather, more free than before), but to the others who're still enjoying that famous means of passing time? don't fucking invade my house. i will whoop your ass black and blue if you do. i'm dangerous, yo. rawr.

2007-02-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

listening to: raging (storm) by cosmic gate ft. jan johnston.
feeling: exceeeeellent.

just a quick, improper post to announce what may be the best news this month, marking the end of my bad spell and the beginning of a much better one to come.

the world has had the honour of a new saxon addition, this time of male gender. yes people, that's right. dian is an aunt, second time round. that means if i mess up the first time with the HB girl, at least i'll get a second chance, right? HAHA, no, i kid, i kid. i'm a fudging excellent aunt whom you should all be jealous of. i so kick my sisters ass at auntiedom. though most middle-aged women would shudder at the thought of auntiedom, i relish it as i still have many years to fulfill and don't have to worry about the whole 'get married, settle down, get two perfect kids with beautiful house, complete with white picket fence' sort of thing. when i do though, i know you'll have my back, prozac.

anyway, baby boy, i have big plans for you. very big plans. you shall be my rock star drummer mohawk man. apparently auntie number 2 is also going to buy you a skateboard, so being the better one (haha) i'll also buy you little protective knee pads and helmet. you, along with your older sister, shall be handed the world on a silver platter as the new generation of saxons. you've got big shoes to fit into, but i'm sure you'll do perfectly fine with awesome parents like those.

we see the next generation as the ones who will accomplish what we could never achieve, do things that we've only dreamed about. and though it shouldn't be done, a way for us to repent our mistakes, our wrongs. these could either turn out for the best, or result in the worst - parents wanting things for their kids that the kid never even desired, goals set too high. all ends in tragedy. somebody once described to me the relationship between child and parent by using spider silk to demonstrate their meanings. a thread so strong, it can withstand so much, yet so delicate at the same time that one slip up could break the entire thing in two, severing the link forever.

how did this suddenly turn so serious and depressing? and to think i started out in a blithe and nonchalant mood. i put it down to the novel i've just started, original works: dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. the vocabulary in it? superb. simply superb.

it really turns me on.

2007-02-21T08:04:00.000+08:00

listening to: pda by john legend (which i am for to a certain extent!)
feeling: sardonic.

not that i need write this, but it must be said.

dear parents,

do not comment on the scattered items on my floor. do not lecture me on cleaning up my room. there's a perfectly good reason why those things are usually located in the middle of my bedroom, on the floor. it's only logical i have these items organized there, though you may not see it that way.

i'm sure you parents, being 'smarter than us', have heard of the term gravity? the force that pulls items down and towards the core of the earth? well what you have in my room is a definite case of gravity at work and you can't expect me to defy the laws of the natural world, elude the laws of physics? after all, you're always expressing your desires for me to study my sciences in further depth, and this case example allows me to grasp this process even more clearly, creating a more apprehensible manner for me to learn with.

to me, the room is clean. you can see everything! just look on the floor. welcome to my world, my organized chaos. to clean it up would be a inefficient use of kinetic energy and be a mindless dissipation of kinetic, potential and chemical energy, transforming it to useless body heat that i do not need or require and if we were to all lean over and start picking up these items, not only would i be defying the nature of gravity, but wasting energy that could be used in more useful processes. because of the body heat given off in this procedure, temperatures in my room will rise and because i like my room cold, it'd result in me turning up the coldness of my aircon, which would be unhealthy for the environment and since the rest of the teenage world will be forced to do the same thing and also share the same like for the cold, a huge rise in harmful gases and waste products from our aircon will result, all destroying the ozone layer of the world and harming the environment in many other ways. then needless to say, since we do live in this environment, we would have to bear with the negligence of humanity and die because we will not be able to survive in the destroyed environment and atmosphere. plus, if all our kinetic energy was transformed to useless body heat, we'd only be speeding up the mass change of energy located in the universe and after some lengthy process, we'd all die since we've wasted our energy, changing it to useless body heat on this so called 'cleaning', instead of more useful and important issues.

the items on my floor are a dedication to the artists of the world. it's my inspiration for my upcoming igcse art piece for the exam and if i were to 'clean' this 'mess', everything in my room would become organized (or so you say) and therefore, not out of the ordinary, and i don't know about you, but i am not inspired by the boring. do you really want me to fail my exams? i'd think not.

i'm reducing the risk of dying by not cleaning my room. if i were to place all these items in my cupboard or on the shelves, the weight would be centralized and focused on one point and pressure on that area would increase and because my room is located on the second floor, what if the weight and pressure in these areas were to become so great that my floor wouldn't be able to support it anymore and give way one day? not only would i get hurt, but this would cause economical problems for you because you'd either get sued (by me for making me clean my room and therefore, making the floor give way and resulting in me smashing my head on the kitchen floor down below or something) or have to pay for the damages done to the floor and house. by not placing these items on the shelves and creating focalization on these particular areas in the room, i reduce the risk of this happening. having these items evenly distributed all over my bedroom floor decreases the pressure and basically, in the end, saves you a lot of money and me a lot of pain.

there's many more logical explanations but i think you see my point. see? things from a teenagers view aren't so stupid after all. it's all for the best that my room remains this way and therefore, please kindly refrain from nagging the hell out of me.

2007-02-18T19:25:00.000+08:00

listening to: soul sloshing by venus hum.
feeling: felicitous.

did i forget to mention that i'm the center of my universe?

well, i'm all better. still downing the pills like there's no tomorrow but funnily enough, they don't make me pass out as much. i think it comes from the excitement that i'm getting from being able to go out once more. still moodswinging slightly though and a lot of the brain-addled issues remain. or that could have been there before the side effects of the pills were introduced, but i'll just keep blaming it on them, right?

the fastidious and vexatious doctor wanted me to remain inside for the rest of the week, but as i don't exactly trust the man who contradicted everything the other doctor said (as well as being completely ignorant and amazingly rude) and i'd go crazy if i were to spend another whole week in bed, i'll be making as much as possible out of the free days i've been graced with this week.

coinciding with chinese new year, i'm trying to get as much visiting done as possible. throw me out into the social world and watch it hurl me back, sipping my large cup of fame, baby. i'm going to make up for that dreary week i experienced last week.

first point on my list of things to do? eat those lush chips and gravy from coffee zone (any volunteers to help me polish off the platter i'll be ordering?) and to finally get my long-awaited brownie. with hazelnuts. the only way to go, yknow? funny how most of the points are food associated. but as somebody once said, we live to eat, which would definitely work in my case.

sonorous thunder serenades me tonight, followed with the expected heavy downpour of rain, perfect for a great sunday night to hype me up. slosh in an ample amount of bubbly music, abundant dashes of pure energy and enthusiasm and you get that perfect concoction of bubbly girl, ready for the fun and anything to open her eyes.

gong xi fa cai, people. enjoy it while you can and remember, tradition is overall good and don't forget your roots. (insert the long-winded and serious post about tradition, family heritage, modernisation etc etc that i'd normally write here. too hyperbubblykickmeinthehead to bother right now. heh, oops.) plus, chinese new year is also an excellent excuse to party and drink. not that you need one, eh.

base it on my laughter.

2007-02-16T12:07:00.000+08:00

listening to: i'm gonna be by donell jones.
feeling: severely pissed off.

so, who feels like shit? dian does!

it's one of the worst feelings you could ever be cursed with. to be resigned to days in bed with nothing to do, nobody to talk to and all because of a stupidassfcking bite. to make things even better? when you feel perfectly 100% fine yet still have to remain in bed. no headaches, no feverish states of mind, no raised temperatures, just pure undiluted boredom accompanied with this annoying bite that makes you feel like a retard as everybody is making such a fuss out of it.

yes, people, i still feel stupid because of the drugs they're pumping into me. die of insect bite? oh no, i'm going to die of drug overdose. not that i should be taking this in such a comical or overdramatic tone because, people, dying of drugoverdose is bad and not a light issue. bad bad bad bad bad.

anyway. it's gotten so horrible that i've even admitted to myself that i would rather be at school. give up all these sick leaves just to be back at school since it'd mean i'd be all better and therefore, my weekend wouldn't be ruined. even more so as i'm not used to being like this. sick, i mean. yep, i'm hoping that somehow, in the next 24 hours, all this shiznit will clear up and i'll be fine and dandy and hyper-annoying-bubbly-shoot-me-in-the-head once more and ready to go out to get up to godknowswhat.

they say trouble comes in threes, and i'm hoping that this is the third in the lot and that this bad spell will soon blow over. i was listening to some mushy song --you know? ones that make you smile and think of all the romantic things that sends shivers down your back?-- when the mood swing struck once more. due to the cocktail of drugs i'm taking, it appears a side effect is mood swings. i've been losing my temper one minute, passing out the next and then waking up extremely happy and bubbly, only to become slap-me-sad the next. i also feel fat, frumpy and fugly since i've been moping around the house, doing jackshit for the past few days.

this post makes no sense to me. HSWGDHGEHDGHEDGHEGDHEGDHJEDGHJDfudgemuffins.

to all those others who are still sick as well, get better soon. i'd start singing that "we will survive" theme song.. but i'd rather pass out now. february sucks.

(please, if you make me get better in the next, say, oh, 24 hours, i promise i'll be a good girl or at least try to be? please pretty please with sugar violets on top.. which are actually quite yummy, yknow. the sugar violets, i mean. not apologies as i've never tried an apology.. hm. sickly sweet, i'd imagine.)

2007-02-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

listening to: explode by nelly furtado.
feeling: oh so very drugged up.

well, i've managed to find a bit of time between the taking of all my pills and the after/side effects of all the pills (namely passing out drop dead sleep the day and night away) to wish this one chick a very happy sixteenth birthday.

so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARGARET DIXON.

yes yes, you're sixteen. the big one-six. many many many happy wishes and all that stuff. (sorry, not in the blogging mood) i hope you had a great day and you'll have a great weekend to look forward to. as you said to me one french lesson, when we were slacking off as usual - brace face no more, eh? can't wait to see the 'new' you and again, many hugs and kisses.

alright. this sickness/bite/whateverthehell it is had better not mess up my planned weekend. or i will snap and go psycho kung-phooey on all yo' asses.

by the way, happy valentines day, everybody. to all those who happen to be sick as well, i.e. cyn/nurul/chris etc etc., i hope you guys get better asap and to those who didnt spend their valentines in bed, (unless it was for.. pleasurable.. extracurricular activities...) i hope you guys got lots and lots of chocolates filled with lots and lots of calories to add that extra bounce to your step. literally.

;p i feel so stoopit. damned pillpopping habits.

2007-02-12T12:52:00.000+08:00

listening to: imigrant by nitin sawhney.
feeling: dowdy.

another cold grey day launched off with that "perfect-for-sleeping-in" weather that we all know too well. days like these deserve to be escorted with a chill out soundtrack (which my sister has kindly graced me with), one that'll make you just recline on that amazing bed of yours, encircled by downy pillows, sort of like a scene from american beauty. minus the freaky butterflies rushing from behind the girl. yeah, kinda not my thing. be too busy freaking out about them messing up my hair. but pillows and a thick duvet? it's the intrinsic form of relaxation.

just kidnap me from school, my bedroom, my house. take me somewhere where i'll be able to close my eyes and feel fingers brushing through my hair, kindling the wild curls that i can never seem to control. wind-kissed skin, raising goosebumps all over my body that'd be accumbent against a comforting object, whether it be person or pillow, sun-baked sand or shiver-evoking dew-glittered grass. it's like being a trapped animal right now in this tiny little school room (not so tiny, excuse my over-dramatization). humming echoes of computers surround me as i let the mindless drone of fellow dawdlers wash over me. i'd rather encompass the world outside this suffocating area.

thankgosh school is over in 30 minutes. i don't think i'd be able to stand anymore, especially now when the lunches feel like they're getting shorter and shorter. too soon does the bell ring to march us to class, like little worker ants to be stepped upon.

whatthehell am i saying? i have no idea. meandering talk that'll numb your brain and make you feel like a million brain cells have just died. sort of like the feeling you get when you manage to open a door and hit yourself in the head with it. or am i alone on that action, as i've done it numerous times to myself? (shut up, people. stop laughing at me. mwahaha!) maybe to say "like somebody has just drugged you, filling your frail little body with ample amounts of trance-inducing pills. red, green, white, blue -- too many colours to recall as your mind swivels in and out of reality, blending with the aeriform world of another, where intangible and impalpable air clouds your lungs, imperceptible to the senses or the mind." but that'd just make my mind wander even further. plus, look at all the "im" words i've dredged up from the lowest borders of my mind! wow, i really am bored.

as you can tell, i obviously have nothing better to do. and rather than feel faineant (amazing new word i'm obsessed with), i decided i'd do my part to the world and attempt to bore you all too.

if i shall suffer, so shall you.

2007-02-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

listening to: dream machine by mark farina.
feeling: frumpy.

skies dotted with flashing spectrums of mind-boggling colours, head filled with rambunctious and fiery explosions - it's all clues to the rapidly approaching chinese new year.

this time around, i've decided to really throw myself into the swing of things and sedate that celebratory oriental side of me with zealous visits to the numerous chinese friends of mine, starting with elaine's, which just the thought of commands resulting rumbles from that rounded belly of mine.

red will be filling my vision this year, keeping in mind i've been successfully keeping my temper in check. but no, this'll be a lively, passionate and possibly even lustful red. before this gets a little too steamy though (i'll save that for the bedroom), i'll just say that this year is holding many new experiences in stock for me, including a highly anticipated and different-from-the-rest CNY.

alright, before i start a new sentence with that dreaded "but" and begin an endless tirade/rant filled with violent denunciation on the environmental and economical consequences of all those tonnes of fireworks yearning to be lit and the social + economical loss caused by CNY, i'm just going to waddle off to find my phone, which i've subsequently lost somewhere in this house. either that or i've gone and left it in the car, which dad has driven off with. hopefully not the latter though, as that'll mean i won't be getting it back til really damned late.

by the way, upgraded to the bloggergoogle. useless though, as i don't know how to use it.

2007-02-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

listening to: la vie en rose by edith piaf.
feeling: like i need a good hot bath.

will you copy this too?

2007-01-29T13:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: moon by sia.
feeling: passive.

it was a good weekend.

realisation that the ever-looming exams that are quickly catching up hit me today, like how that shot of espresso jolts you up at 5 am on a gloomy monday morning, or hitting your shin on the sharp corner of a school table, sending rushes of electricity through the motor-end plates of your nerve endings to synapse with another, resulting in a quickly enunciated gasp. or something.

faced with a cocktail of emotions, i've been dwarfed by the choices i'll be facing. the usual "which university, which country, what to major in" and so forth. plus the prospects of finally moving away from home, being an 'independant woman' and having to stand on my own two feet (sort of) humbles me greatly.

as an impeccable planner of life, i'd love to go with the flow, but find myself unable to bring myself to just let go and follow that worn down statement. should i honestly be trusted to make such huge decisions that'll affect the rest of my life? i'm still young and have years to live and savour. also, i don't have that much trust in my own choices, being a teenager and whatnot. now, i'm not dissing my age group, but let's face cold hard facts here... we're not the brightest bulb of the lot, are we? generally speaking, of course.

there's still so much i'd love to do, experiences i need to enjoy, moments to create before i leave this 'abode of peace', and though i know i've complained about it a lot, i'm realising just how good i've actually got it. especially now more than ever.

seriously though, i know i've still got two more years of school to dread. even more so since it'll apparently be the two worst years of my school life, also known as "IB". but i just can't help but feel that my time here on this lush island is coming to a close. i'll be sad, there's no doubt. there'll be times when i wish i never grew up, i know. but let me just relish these last years and create a closure that'd make anybody proud. it's nice to know that i feel the acceptance is slowly seeping in though.

so, what has this post accomplished? jackshit, but that's what i'm here for, right? or nottttt. haha.

hello, world. i'm ready to start that new chapter of my life. (:

2007-01-24T07:56:00.000+08:00

listening to: 4 minutes by avant.
feeling: incoherent.

welcoming adam to the insane totally wild temperamentally rebellious world of personal sites, he's now joined the dark side and can be found vegetating here, hibernating amongst his millions of photos:

adam

right, since im in ict at the moment - gotta jet.

2007-01-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

listening to: music is my hot hot sex by cansei de ser sexy.
feeling: ickyhotsweatyuck.

just a quick post to wish two very special people a happy birthday (or in one's case, a happy belated birthday)

so, Happy Birthday, Adam and Haz.

you've both been two major guys in my life, from one camera-crazy fiend to the other fellow techno-fucker. you've each helped me with the various idiotic issues i've come across and i've had many wonderful conversations with both of you. we've all shared moments i'll never forget, from dancing on the roof of haz's car, to debating the various artistic techniques with adam.

unfortunately, i've got to cut this short as i'm in desperate need of a cold shower, but i just wanted to hope that the both of you had an awesome day and to wish you thanks for everything that you've ever done or sacrificed in my need. mwahxx.

2007-01-21T18:03:00.000+08:00

listening to: out of touch by alex parks.
feeling: serene.

as i've nothing better to do (seriously), i'll start off with a description of my unproductive day.

well, to begin, i was woken up by a phonecall from non-other than two very important people in my life, vicky&allison, calling all the way from canada, which by the way, results in them waking me up at the ungodly hour of 12 in the afternoon. i know, people. i know. pity me.

anyway. i spent a good one and a half hours on the phone with them, chatting about the usual garbage - who did what, where they did it, how they did it, why they did it. y'know? girly talk, which is code for "gossiping". it felt exhilarating to hear their voices once more, to be able to chat with ease and the one important fact that stood out the most to me was that though i haven't spoken or seen the twins in eons, it felt like nothing had changed. we're still as close as ever and i'm so thankful for that blessing.

after being so rudely cut off by the canadian phonecard company, i found that i was too awake to sleep and so i joined mom in hunting out the grounds of supa save, scouring the floors for mouth-watering delicacies that'd tempt us to sink our teeth into them, much akin to a lioness after hibernation. and for those meticulous ones out there, yes, i know lions don't hibernate, but imagine if they did. it'd be a massacre of all those bambi-esque deers frolicking around times 4 and three quarters. don't get in the way of my food and i, people.

i managed to score two beautiful and fresh fillets of salmon, toss in some fresh veggies and a few tidbits, and you have yourself the ingredients and makings of a beautiful meal. pure bliss when i'm cooking, i tell you.

i've actually just come from finishing up that gorgeous meal. tonight, i decided to delicately grill one of those pristine fillets after marinading it in a luscious mix of dijon mustard, honey and lemon. after scattering an even coating of rock salt and black pepper, it was quickly cooked to a delectable golden-brown, perfectly crisp on the outside, yet gorgeous and melt-in-your-mouth coral on the inside.

the salmon was accompanied by a delicate salsa then laid on a vibrant emerald bed of various fresh spinach leaves, iceberg lettuce leaves and other garden-fresh greens. and, as if that wasn't enough, i finished off the meal with a refreshing array of vibrant autumn fruits, delightfully seasoned with cinnamon and honey.

i've found i'm always at peace when cooking. well, the few chances i do get to cook when my mom's not kicking me out of the kitchen. too many cooks spoil the broth, right?

let's see what this week brings.

2007-01-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

listening to: save room by john legend.
feeling: --up my cat.

clustered clouds welcome the coming weekend and finally mark the end of my mocks. a highly anticipated day, i've got my freedom for the weekend. the long weekend, as monday will be a public holiday and friday is free. hell yes with a cherry on top.

i'm still uncertain on where i stand with the exams and whether i regard them as easy or fuckmehard (ooh, baby). let's settle for borderline, eh? all i'm sure of is that i'm extremely zealous at the thought of no more exams for months to come and the idea that the next six months will just consist of revision. results for the recent exams come out next week, the prospects of which are quite daunting as i'd much rather stay ignorant and oblivious. let's just hope it doesn't thwart my planned weekend.

well, it's definitely been a most unusual past week, topped off with the escapades of last night. paranoia still lurks at the back of my mind due to several mind-numbing incidents that occured, but hey, spices up life around here? very, very interesting night.

fareed brought me the sexiest pair of billaboardshorts. i just want to lick them. of course, being me, they're guy ones. but it's okay. i can be a guy too. or not. point is, they're sexed up shorts with a bang to them that'll make your head spin. they're just as sexy as rain, that korean singer. mm, hot-bodied boy who dances, sings and has clothes i want? fudgemuffins, baby.

speaking of rain, i think i'll go pass out on the couch downstairs infront of the tv as it's just started to drizzle and has produced an extremely sleep-inducing effect upon me.

have a great weekend, fellow sufferers of the school system we're forced to attend and abide by. enjoy it as much as possible, because who knows, we could all be grounded next week for the shit marks we're going to recieve for our exams. but that's just pessimistic thinking. ;p

2007-01-10T18:50:00.000+08:00

listening to: never let you down by frankie j ft. krayzie bone&lazyie bone
feeling: pathetic.

isn't it amazing how quickly things manage to spread around brunei? people manage to know things that are going on in my life that i'm not even sure about yet, things where i don't even know where i stand on.

although it's a trivial matter, it gets to me. one of those little pet peeves of mine, right up there with "lol" and "same difference". i know most people don't mean harm and unknowingly are getting all up in my business (yo, niggeratchi), but if they would just stop being so absorbed in others' lives and concentrate on their own, then maybe living in brunei wouldn't be as hard as it is.

of course i'm just being the drama queen that i usually tend to be, acting as if my life is amazingly hard. "i mean, starving kids in africa? pffft, try having your mom on your ass about homework." and though i'm being a hypocrite, i detest people like that. the self-absorbed ones. pretentious bastards.

arriving home from school today, i was greeted with the most adorable sight out in my garage. apparently my neighbour's cat had decided that she should bestow the honour of having her kittens and her reside in our garage. and do i mind? hell no. seeing two little fat bundles of fluff every morning will just place that huge dorky grin on my face as i absent mindedly wander to go to school. sadly though, i won't be able to keep any of them because firstly, they're my neighbours and secondly, because "miss chubchub princess of the saxon abode" (that fat cat that bosses me around) would be extremely jealous.

"gonna fuck up your ego, silly boy. i'll make you cry."
speaking of which, i just so happened to cry today due to tina. we happened to be chatting online before she had to jet off to uni and discussing all the high points and memories of the past month and how she kept hearing all our voices in the airport, resulting in me bursting into tears.

wow, i'm so sad. haha, fuck you. no. seriously. fuck you. hahaha.

2007-01-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

listening to: pulling me back by chingy ft. t.i
feeling: fucking scared about tomorrrooow.

it's been an insane past week and a half (?) with tina inc again. i'd lost count of date and time. sadly, she left on sunday and we're all missing her like fark. at least the last days were ones full of fun, laughter and love. plus the fact that she's coming back in six months makes it all the more better. kinda.

in honour of all those times spent together, it'll be a photo post filled with moments from some of the days we had starting sunday, last day of december. due to the wide array (vain mofos), i've chosen a few only:

to view these as a larger image, just clickettyclick. (:

2007-01-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

listening to: lost one by jay z.
feeling: drained.

as i'd suspected, i pulled a late nighter, falling asleep at half past five, only to wake to mom's persistent attempts at awakening me at six thirty. having fallen out of the school routine (wake at 6, shower, dress, choke on breakfast), i had to rush as fast as possible, resulting in the disheveled look that i do oh so well.

it was stupid not to get any sleep and this resulted in me almost falling asleep into my palette of paints during the art exam, which by the way, has drained me mentally and phsyically. mostly because i had to come up with my work on the spot and had had no prep for it.

the day was not all sleep deprivation and yawns though. it also marked the launching of my new addiction, graff markers. having first been introduced to them by kanna, i'd had this deep longing for graff markers of my own, yet due to brunei's lack of pretty much.. anything i want, it was impossible for me to get my tiny little hands on any.

that is until the arrival of marcus, a fellow lunatic with a love for the same sort of things. he's just come back from australia, where he brought me three of these pens that just ooze sex appeal.

being me, i've named them and measuring in at 6 inches, these "on the run" fat pens are exactly what every urban artist's wet dream consists of. a trio of eye popping colours, i've been blessed with a new royal purple, acid orange and invigorating green splash to my life.

but wait, it gets even better. not only do i now possess what may be god's gift to man, but that amazing boy also managed to get me a wide array of caps for spray cans. i can successfully say i think i managed to deafen a few ears today after getting these gifts and squealing excessively.

before ending this post though, i'd like to wish nyan a happy 18th birthday. i called him at 2am in the morning, 3am for him since he's kicking it out in australia. not only did he save my new years last year from potential disaster, but he also was my hug whore and i can't wait to see him once more.

Happy Birthday, Nyan. mwahx.

2007-01-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

listening to: crash into me by dave matthews band.
feeling: up myself.

occurances of today were mundane. going to bed at my usual 8 am, being woken up by chris, passing out on his bed - it's a preview of the saturday to come.

let's live this year to the fullest extent. one more time with meaning.

have i made my entire new year's resolution? not quite. all i know is that i plan to accomplish the impossible and find me a nice lil' boy with whom i can spend hours rambling on to, perfect my hand-holding techniques with and confide in. i'll also complete the goals that i've set out for myself, namely the "make my mommy and daddy smile" one. somehow. oh, and to swear less. being the filthy mouthed little girl, that i am.

the procrastination got the better of me. school starts tomorrow and i've got a lovely art exam to take. not that i mind, of course. it's just that i haven't completed my preperation for it and that means that i'll be pulling another all-nighter tonight. though, that undoubtably would have occured even if i did have nothing to do.

i'm excited and eager for what this new twenty-oh-seven holds for me. of course i don't expect all high-flying moments and i'm sure that there'll be those down in the ditch lows, but it's what forms the person and helps them to become all they can be, right? or do i stand alone with that opinion?

the rain has yet to cease and i'm starting to miss the sun. it'd be perfect if the climate in brunei twisted ever so slightly. as in, this rainy period occured during school and the sunny period occured during the holidays.

well, this post had absolutely no use whatsoever, so i had better get started on that art prep. i'm sure there'll be a hiatus coming up soon due to the exams, but knowing me and my messed up priorities, who knows what to expect.

2007-01-02T13:37:00.000+08:00

listening to: white horses by dontknowwhothefark.
feeling: HYPEEEEEEEER.

HAHAHHAHA HAPPY BELATED NEW YEARS, PEOPLE!

so instead of going to ayeshah's party, like i was meant to, mom dragged me off to siti's, which she would promise would only be for an hour. stupid me. i ended up sleeping over with tina for two days.

right, since i can't be stuffed to type it all out.. i'll just say it was frickin' fun, made even more with the company of tina (of course) and others in the insaaaane bunch.

like seriously. HAHAHHAHAHahhahahahhahahahhahaHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHahHAHah. fuck i'd say things that occured, but i'll keep it between the people involved. sorry to disappoint. whoopsies.

ANYWAAAAAAAAAY. im going to study. SCHOOL IS IN TWO DAYS, PEOPLE.

*breathe, okay? breathe.

2006-12-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

listening to: danger - keep away by slipknot.
feeling: tranquil.

the morning was ushered in by grey clouds and a heavy falling of rain, which i woke to with delight. it's been the first day for weeks that i've felt rested and serene.

the past two weeks has been quite the rollercoaster. not as interesting as some other times in my life, but still enough to remember for some time to come. i've been reacquainted with people i'd said i'd never speak to again, listened to the revelations of a lost boy, confessed to, watched alcohol take its toll from the eyes of sobriety, spoken to people of my past, turned the age of immaturity and spoilt behaviour, divulged the secrets of the perfect slice of toast (golden crisp yet fluffy white on the inside, still hot and lavishly buttered with vegemite and served with a mug of piping hot earl grey tea - two sugars and milk - and a great novel and comfy clothes in the cold), just to name a few.

family issues, social issues - they've all hindered me these past weeks, accompanied by the onslaught of rain that brunei has been dealing with. but it isn't all gloom and dark days (especially since i love the rain).. it's just been, well, bipolar.

the documentary on the big bang got me asking questions, as usual, and evoked curiosity within me and that evergrowing thirst for knowledge. it's a good thing, especially with school starting in just six days.

so, what has this blog accomplished? nothing. i just felt like writing total rubbish, as i tend to do. ;p

2006-12-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

listening to: that christmas song by nattttkingcolee.
feeling: ohdearlord.

so, just a quick blog. i've had an insane past few days, nights and mornings with all the guys and a few other people.

i also turned six ten. uh oh, my nenek status has been established.

and today is christmas. merry christmas everybody! if you were one of the few to get my texts or calls, feel honoured because it means you're high up on my list.

there's so so so much i want to rant on about, talk about, discuss... but for privacy's sake, i'll keep it to myself. try not to be depressing or whatnot on such a joyous day, right? i'll talk about it another time in the near future.

xx//<3

2006-12-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

listening to: she's so special by mota.
feeling: incomplete.

hamish and simon.

yeah, last sunday/monday (it was 3? am) they asked me to do a post with.. just their names.

okay, now that's done. update starting sunday night, when i got picked up by hamish, simon and dan. we spent the night just watching movies, chatting, laughing and talking. of course we did a quick food run for nasi katok and i got dropped back home at dawn, only to wake up the next day to resume my studying, which has been going so-so.

on monday, elaine and i went to gadong to do the christmas shopping and of course, me being me, i had woken up late and quickly got changed and made the mistake of choosing to wear heels. i'm sure most girls out there know how stupid that was of me. for those who don't? it was stupid. very. fucking. stupid.

thinking i had left elaine stranded in gadong alone, i rushed over to the bookstore, only to find she hadn't even arrived, so an hour later, we finally met up and started the shopping as well as doing a little bit of people watching at chill.

a few hours later, we met up with dan, hamish and simon, who were accompanied by elle, a fellow eurasian from kl. (very sweet too, by the way. we got along very well.) we sat in chill, doing the usual teen thing and elaine eventually had to go, leaving us all behind. uhm. (insert usual shit that happens in gadong) and after all that, we basically drove all around brunei. seriously. after dropping elle home, the guys and i stopped for some more nasi katok and then i went home to finish off my work.

yes. not very interesting, is it? there's so much more i could write.. all the gossip, all the scandals, all the funny incidents.. but stop being nosey. and i'm too lazy. ;p

alrightey, four days til my birthday, which means me growing old. OLD. O L D. haha, laters.

2006-12-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

listening to: big girls don't cry by fergie.
mood: pressed for time.

well, i've just completed my bio part of the revision schedule. been doing a little art on the side too. the igcse's are really getting to me. not the stress, though i would loveeeee more time to revise, but because they're making me miss out on opportunities i'd love to embrace. yes, yes, i'm sure some of you will know what i'm referring to. ergh. let's not talk about it, shall we?

i had this whole rant i was about to post a few hours ago (well, in my mind) yet somehow i'm lacking the enthusiasm and energy to do it anymore.

roight. enough said, time for more.. bloody.. revision.

..bubblepops.

2006-12-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

listening to: carnaval batucada 66' by sergio mendez
mood: argus-eyed

just in honour of the science group i was put in, here's a photo (courtesy of mags). please note that the group members were: nick, mags, isa and me. we were just hijacked - you can tell by our disheveled looks - by everybody else surrounding us due to the awesomeness we possess.

2006-12-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

listening to: ravers fantasy by.. somebody?
mood: D-D-D-DAAAYMN.

right, today was THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. i know, i know. we did jackshit in school other than be vainmofos with cameras (as usual) and to celebrate the fabulous occasion, i got picked up by hamish and dan and we drove all the way to the studios to meet up with the rest of MOTA, as well as cyn and dinesh and yu foong and haz, along with other people. the music was great, the eyecandy*drool was great and the atmosphere was great, as usual.

at the nicely rounded time of 8, everything got wrapped up and cyn and i got dragged away from those too cute boy(s) and we all went to gadong, where we split up to do our own thing. cyn and i met up with lots of people, hopping from one place to another. hung out with the likes of mags, isa, nick, ayeshah, chris, eqbal, grareyinc., motaband -- just so many people. i also saw a lot of people (and cute guys, eh cyn? HAHA) but was too too lazy to do shit. then got dropped home by yufoong before midnight.

we also did a little window shopping and saw so much shit we wanted to get. means an overdue shopping spree is coming in the new year, which i'll be extremely eager for. (: a little mild drama also occured, but whatever - i won't discuss that. i also felt so out of it. like' i've been out of the scene, which is true actually. made me remember all the times this year. good times, good times.. but we all grow up sometime, eh?

anyway, i'll go to sleep happy, knowing brunei does have cute guys and thinking of all the parties that are upcoming.. but don't worry, people. education first. *glee*

oh, this means that there will most likely be fewer posts starting today due to all the revision that i'll be doing. so if i don't get online in time, merry christmas and a happy new year! my love to everybody and i wish you the best, eh?

by the way; two new sites to check up on if you're bored.

isa

and

chris.

2006-12-06T17:28:00.000+08:00

listening to: push by madonna.
mood: relieved.

well, today's been a hectic day. i woke up later than usual yet still managed to get to school at a nice time, then in ict, we did absolutely jackshit and i typed up revision notes to occupy my time.
business was fun, as usual. this time, we had awesome speakers connected to an ipod, so music was blasting out of the room whilst me and the usual people in my class just talked about everything. ditto goes for art and during lunch, i had my chair interview, which was extremely nerve-racking. i honestly believe that i won't be getting the part, but life's life. if not, i won't be a sore loser. ;p

so, today after school, cyn and isa and i went to the clinic to get our navels pierced and waited there for about half an hour, whilst they called our parents for consent. we then had to drive to the mall to buy the actual rings and we saw david with his parents, then quickly rushed back to the clinic. we had been nervous when we first arrived, but by that time, we just wanted to get it over and done with.

luckily i went first, so as i was holding the hands of cyn and isa, the doctor did the whole shoving-needle-then-stick-then-ring through my stomach thing whilst the other two were recording with a videocam. cyn had to look away since she'd have chicken'd out if she saw, and isa was shouting his usual "WHATTHE--OHMYDEAR--ouch.." type thing. the actual putting the ring in didn't hurt.. but the needle to numb the pain? fuck. then
cyn went and she got hers done too. isa is also considering getting either his lip or tongue pierced. aweeesome.

anyway, i'm going to type up more notes, like the geek i am. i might put the video of us up by the way. if you all are good. if.

2006-12-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

listening to: closure by mota.
mood: exhausted.

well, i didn't plan to go to the battle of the bands tonight.. but in the end, i did. i've just returned from it and i'm glad i went in the end.

so, it started off with chris arriving at my house at 7, then we set off for isb, where there were loads of people. it was an excellent night, got to talk to people i haven't seen or talked to in ages, and talked to some new ones as well. of course, i was scouting out the eye candy, and boy, did i see some. [haha, great, dian. so shallow.] but other than that, the music was wonderful, the company was great and the atmosphere was amazing.

for once, loads of people danced, and even a few bleeding noses were caused due to the moshing. the people this year were fantastic. loved the company and talks i had.

oh and some of the best news? MOTA won best band, meaning a prize of $150. congratulations, guys. they got the crowd really roaring during their performance. moshing, chanting, crowd surfing, screaming. the whole rock band package.

right, i'm sweaty as the sea, so if i can be stuffed to write more tomorrow, i will. if not..

adios. :)

2006-11-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

listening to: honey and the moon by joseph arthur
mood: infuriated.

firstly; you know what one of my pet peeves is? well, i'm sure most of you have painted your nails, right? [guys, admit it.] anyway. so you've got your beautiful, flawless nails and they look so perfect, when all of a sudden, you pick up an object, or accidently brush your hands against something and a farking mark is left on the drying nailpolish.

FARKITTYFARKFARKFARKARGHDIEDIEDIE.

well, today we had the singing bee's senior second round and may i say: WOW.

wow, as in wonderful, orgasmic and wild. they were all so amazing. i mean, i knew we had talent in isb. but not that much! i could have sat there all day, suffering through the pins + needles, just to listen to them again. i wasn't able to make up my mind about who to vote for, so i didn't. but if i could, i'd have voted for everybody. (:

well, i'm free of all work but i'd better start up on those revision guides i'm making. adios?

2006-11-26T18:53:00.000+08:00

listening to: raggasex by ottomix.
mood: jiggly.

well, it's been a long time coming. nothing much has occured in the past few weeks, or at least nothing much i can remember or am allowed to talk about. so i'll just start with an update beginning friday.

well, friday's lessons were great, making it my second favourite day of the school week (wednesday is the first) and after arriving home, i did my usual whining and moping around the house til chris came over at around six and we got ready to go out to the performance. cyn then came and picked us up and we all set off for empire, where we met up with everybody else and sat down to enjoy a great performance; west side story.

i was amazed, it was much better than i expected. of course it wasn't perfect, but nonetheless, it was riveting and thrilling to watch. of course the wise cracks made by the guys who were all jam-packed in our booth made it that tiny bit funnier too.

going home at the respectable time of 11, i soon fell asleep a few hours after that, especially since i needed to catch up on all my well earned sleep. it was the perfect weather for sleeping too. windy, rain.. all until i got woken up at around 3 pm the next day by cyn, who had come over to do her history. so we spent the entire day doing her history, walking to the shop for some delicious and long awaited ice cream and even did the usual side tracking; helping her update her blogspot and lending her a few cd's to update her music taste. ;p

well, she left a bit before 11 and mom and i just stayed up watching movies 'til i finally got to bed before dawn.

well, just a week left of school. i'm going to really slug it out during the holidays and spend it doing revision; geeky, i know. fuck you. haha, i'll also be turning sixteen. mm-- "sweet sixteen" my ass. i'm not looking forward to it actually. i'll miss having the excuse of being a preteen for my immature ways. we've all been growing up too too fast. all i want is my fifteen seconds of fame?

anyway, reminder for all of you to check out smelly boy's xanga. go on, click it. you know you're just itching to press the left button of the mouse on these words:

hamish

well, sorry for the lack of wit or intelligence in my post, but i've used up what little brain power i have over the week. 'til next time, right?

2006-11-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

listening to: sex and candy by marcus playground.
feeling: exhausted.

well, it's been a hectic week but finally i'm able to sit back, relax and just breathe.

the week was ushered in with the realisation that my history was due in on friday, so that was slaved over for a few days (source based questions are m kryptonite) and i think that towards the end of the coursework, i was just grappling with the bare threads of the essay. then, to top that off i got chosen to do the longest chemistry chapter for revision sheet making, which i also slaved over and luckily finally managed to complete. then there was my ict coursework, which although it wasn't that hard.. was tiresome due to the fact that i had to annotate every. bloody. sheet. thankgosh that's over and done with and finally, the cherry on top was the french revision for my orals, which i actually had today.

how did they go? well, they were actually okay, though i did get a bit nervous (resulting in stuttering and speaking too fast + messing up a few verbs) but other than that slight hiccup, it seemed to go surprisingly well for what i was expecting. at least it's over and done with and i can concentrate on other subjects, such as my art and science.

well, i've come to the conclusion that i'll have to give up art for ib. which sucks. a lot. dammit.

i've been having a james bond marathon all weekend whilst revising. staying up til 6 am, glazed over eyes, mug of horlicks and just a huge oversized shirt, sitting on the couch infront of the tv. mm, perfect marathon nights.

i most likely have a lot more to comment on or tell you guys, but i'd like to enjoy this free time whilst i have it and just relax with some norah jones and my great book.

dee

2006-11-14T23:22:00.000+08:00

listening to: hummingbirds by venus hum
mood: energized?

so the deviantart hiatus is over and i'm back onto that. did a quck piece to announce my fresh new start on that site. mm, feels good to be back?

i've decided to go for the "chair of environment" role and i've already filled out the sheet, written my speech and everything. hopefully they'll choose elaine and i because we've both been going on about it and from what we hear.. competition is going to be tough.

right. too lazy to write anymore. expect a nice long blog (maybe. no promises) over the weekend. (:

2006-11-12T16:03:00.000+08:00

Belated Congratulations to Emma&Simon on their new born baby girl; Sophie Monica Danielle Doyle (20/09/06)

I look forward to seeing the happy family next year. ;p It's a beautiful name by the way.

lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of looove.

2006-11-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

listening to: meds by placebo.
mood: joyous.

right, so i've taken to wearing just undies and a bikini top around my house all week. of course the parents don't care because they know what i'm like, and hey, it's been a very hot week. point is, i was typing away just now with my balcony doors open and minou trudging all around the room when i noticed some hugeassbug - acockroach to be exact- had snuck in and was scurrying around near me, so i ran out onto my balcony, forgetting i wasn't properly dressed. luckily nobody saw and so after thinking the coast was clear, i went back into the room and sat back down, only to find that the bug had been lying in wait for me. it has it in for me. luckily my wondercat came to the rescue and chased it away and is now stalking the area where it disappeared. goodkitty, minou.

anyway, today was the parent-teacher meetings and so i stayed after school, joined by marcus, nick, isa and .. yeah thats about it, anyways the guys were being their usual selves whilst i was sweating it out in the too hot sun.

to sum up my teachers reviews of me? very very good. i'm a happy bunny but i can't be stuffed to write out what they said, so ... yeaah too bad.

anyway. i'm going to sacrifice a virgin to the almighty god; pluto, so 'til next time.

2006-11-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

listening to: my long-awaited rain.
mood: easygoing.

sorry for the lack of update but recently, i've just been so loaded down with my revision and homework that i've been getting, so i have little time for everything else. the great news is that i've finished all my due homework and i spent all of today just relaxing and enjoying what free time i had.

well, the results are back from the singing bees thing and the people who got through in our grade are:

- ayeshah.
- wana (of course :)
- bianca&atiqah.

congratulations to all of them and good luck for the next round. plus to the people who didn't get through; you were all excellent as well, so no matter.

nothing much has happened. life has been pretty calm actually (and thankfully). i suppose that since most people are concentrating on our education - or at least i hope they are - they have little time for everything else, like we normally would. either that or it's just me and my new geekification, meaning i'm so out of it.

right, since now is the perfect time to settle in with a good book and cuppa tea, i'll be cutting this post short and bidding you adieu.

2006-10-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

listening to: supermassiveblackhole by muse.
mood: lazy.

i've come out of hibernation only to say the following:

congratulations to mota for their new record deal with 537 records which hopefully will bring many awesome things to come.

selamat hari raya to all - bring on the beef rendang and malay kueh, people! thanks for all the invites by the way, i shall try to make them all once i can be stuffed to drag my arse out of bed.

man utd. kicks way more ass than any other hick english team. denial, people. DENIAL.

anyway, elaine slept over on friday and we did a little window shopping and enjoyed a nice lunch out at manjaros while popping into the tailors. then came back to watch a "saved by the bell" marathon and did the entire sit-infront-of-tv thing, which i've perfected to a tee by now.

thankgosh for this one week holiday. it feels good to not care.

.dee

2006-10-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

listening to: yaddayadda.
mood: blahblah.

today i did yaddayadda. then i saw blahblah and we talked about sigh and so after that, it was ergh and i got really phooooey and yakyakyakyakblahblahblahblahyaddayaddayadda.

2006-10-09T16:26:00.000+08:00

listening to: tiny titters.
feeling: aggrivated.

okay, just a quick post to inform you all to go here since this boy doesn't have any friends...... haha.

eqbal's site.

yea, other than that - fate has decided to set against me today and prevent one last final piece of my ict coursework to print out. grrrawr.

anyway. til laters, my fellow anarchists.

dee

2006-10-08T17:57:00.000+08:00

listening to: haunted by tina dico.
feeling: anxious.

so, the entire weekend has gone by so fast - most likely because i was stuck inside the house, doing work for most of the time.

finally completed my ict, my english - which i doubled in size - and some of my art. i then checked up on the cambridge uni site, sent a nice little email to them asking a few questions about some particular courses and decided that i shall either study at the university of toronto or university of cambridge.

i watched a fascinating movie last night that i hadn't seen for a year or so: finding forrester. remember people: scottish accents are sexy. though not the ones featured in that movie we watched during english. yeah, that was just disturbing.

anyways, now that i've completed most homework and will be doing my french on tuesday, which is a holiday, i'm going to collapse infront of my tv with a few trashy magazines. and no, not those types of magazines, you sick minded perverts. ;p

dee

2006-10-03T19:26:00.000+08:00

listening to: without you near (gabriel and dresden remix - mr anderson intro) by markus shulz feat. departure.
feeling: a sense of accomplishment.

okay, so sorry for the lack of update, but i've been feeding my hunger for literacy and devouring books by the armful. obviously not literally, but still, it feels good to read excessive amounts again.

i also got my nose pierced on sunday. yes, people. gun-needle-blood-right-through-flesh sort thing. i'm anxious to change the stud, but all in due time. though i was meant to go with margaret and elaine; mom and i did it on sunday instead.

well, school appears to be the same as usual, but i wouldn't know for sure as i'm too distracted by work to notice what's happening around me. trying to maintain the "no homework" thing, which i have been doing successfully so far.

due to the uneventful life i lead, i can't give a shit to write more.

dee.

2006-09-30T17:31:00.000+08:00

listening to: we got more bounce in california by soul kid.
feeling: decrepit.

mmm, i've finished all my homework and i've been wandering around the house in an oversized shirt; meet my weekend: lazy, lethargic and lackluster.

i need a camera. why, i don't know but i just feel like it, OKAY?!?!

nyeh.

dee.

2006-09-28T20:16:00.000+08:00

listening to: the thunderstorm outside.
feeling: envious.

kanna got her lip pierced. unfair. ah wells, my turn shall come in three years or so. anyway, i would have had no homework at all to complete, had it not been for the fact that i left my dratted history textbook at school.

speaking of school, it's as dull as usual and though the usual gossip happens, nothing much is really worth wasting my time, typing it out, to mention.

-- oh shit, loud thundeeer ... yeaaay! --

okay, im'a jet just in case i don't get electrocuted or someshit. i like my life, boring as it is, thanks. and hey, it could happen.

dee.

2006-09-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

listening to: world, hold on by [axwell remix] bob sinclaire feat. steve edwards
feeling: cheerful.

it's amazing what those orgasmic beats can do to lift up one's mood. not that today was a sad day, or anything. it's just that these songs make my day complete - a nice end.

so i've got my head a-bopping to this tune and have finally managed to accomplish my one goal of the week: finish up my due ict section of the case study. yes, it took a long time. yes, there were times when i felt like ripping every piece of paper to shreds and yes, it nearly brought me to tears. ..okay, maybe not so much but it was a rollercoaster ride, that's for certain.

one powercut today nearly made me scream since i was actually in the middle of completing my work, but luckily i had the forethought to save most of my work, so i didn't lose that much.

took a three hour break to go over to cynthia's and help her with some homework. joined by chris, of course, and whilst he talked on, cynthia did her work and i swayed along to my entrancing music.

now, to shower and do little odds and ends before falling asleep. it's been a nice, productive day.

dee

2006-09-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

listening to: my love by justin timberlake ft. T.I
feeling: enlightened.

i'm currently in love with this song, along with so many more that i just downloaded. including gabriel and dresden<3. grrrrawr.

more fascinating late night conversations. brings a new meaning to the word exposed.

damn this history homework.

now, kiss my feet.

;) bass is my whore.

dee.

2006-09-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

listening to: show stopper by danity kane.
feeling: useful.

feeding my obsession; i went on a downloading spree yesterday and got a million muse songs and songs from this new girls band, danity kane. also littered the pick with some songs from the prodigy, baby bash, t.i, ludacris ft. pharrell, nelly furtado, black eyed peas and slipknot. i still have more to download - this time it'll most likely be music you all will have never heard of.. except for kanna, of course.

sitting on my computer chair yesterday, chatting and doing just the same useless stuff when dad finally emerged from his room to announce that we'd be going out for japanese. sushilove, people. so i rush to get ready and we drive off to my favourite little restaurant where the family enjoyed a wonderful meal of california maki, rainbow maki, funagi, and so much more.

we'd finished our meal when dad realised he needed to buy some blank dvd's so we walked over to the mall and agreed to meet up in half an hour. mom and i went to the salon, got my eyebrows done and then just wandered around, ooh and aahing at shoes. let me indulge my superficial side, thankyouverymuch.

i ended up getting a really hot pair of peep-toe black heels, almost stripper-like heels. they're amazingly sexy and i'll be getting the teal pair for kanna. i also saw a cute litte pair of sexy red sailor pumps and black sequin-covered ballet flats that i'll also be getting later on this year.

on arriving home, i just stayed up and chatted to eze til late, there also was the entire hour where these two particular boys in the grade and i were helping one of the guys. there's so much you'd never suspect but i guess we'll learn.

i've added more to my obsession. seedless grapes. mmmm~

dee

2006-09-23T09:04:00.000+08:00

listening to: need to feel love [seb fontaine and jay o's type mix] by refleckt ft. delline bass.
feeling: reproachful.

to live happy, i'll require a sense of purpose. even in those darkest moments, the knowledge that at least i'm doing something productive and worthwhile makes it that tiny bit better, which is actually a huge difference.

you may all want to waste your lives away, going out all night, killing numerous braincells, but that's not for me anymore. that was the past for me, year 10, to be more exact. sneaking out every night, drinking the hours away and basically killing what little chance of a good education we'd get. we hungered for that taste of adrenaline.

i've found a different kind of adrenaline, thanks. to each, their own, eh? call me a geek, call me nerdy; fuck you. i'm happy where i am right now. and on this journey littered with bumps and holes, sure we may encounter some emotional problems, drama or whatever else it is that us teenagers love to create, but in the end, it's all going to be worthwhile for me. i'll be jetting off to university with a sense of achievement and purpose in life, happy with what i've done and thankful that i'd realised it just in time.

we thought we were better than you all, had a life, were important. who were we kidding? the basic human flaw; to think we're better than everybody else. we all do it, and i'll be the first to admit that i've done it numerous times and i'm not very proud of that fact.

it feels great to be free, finally.

speaking of teenagers creating issues for themselves reminds me of a recent english lesson where mr. hollis told us that during the prehistoric times, humans lived side by side with a large species of now extinct cats that could have wiped us all out with the blink of an eye. luckily [?] we managed to kill off all these cats after a few million years or whatnot, but it was a false defeat since we actually lost much more than we gained. so now it's developed in the human subconscience that we actually miss the beast which we defeated ions ago. and that is why humans nowadays will unneedlessly create their own beasts.

a fascinating theory that could explain so much. the fact that the book that explained this all was written by a man who died of aids when he was forty, makes me want to read it even more. i shall be on the lookout for this particular book as well as with others that are in my list.

so now i've established the fact that this'll be a really useless post with no actual meaning to it, let me talk about my current addiction: passionfruits.

opening the fridge a few days ago to these weird looking objects, a faint recollection of the shape and colour of them was bouncing around in my head, then it hit me: bali.

i've always associated passionfruits with that exotic country and now that i'd rediscovered that delicate fruit, i yearned for more. mm, the sharp tangy taste that tingles your tongue, the delicious hint of sweetness and other flavours i just can't name, i've been eating one every morning and loving every single moment.

HAHA, speaking of loving it, all the way to, during and back from america, i had that stupid mcdonalds theme song in my head - kanna should know since i was told to shut up by her numerous times. well, i'd like to reveal that i'm finally free of that nagging song.

...unfortunately, whilst i was still hindranced by it, i managed to get it stuck in many other people's head, so nowadays, you shall pass by random people in my year, humming that whiny little tune.

they once said that between a content man and a man who isn't content, they'd rather choose the man who isn't content. this is because the content man wouldn't strive for more, whilst the other would. this just goes to prove that there is a positive to everything, even if it's if you're not content.

i need to pee now.

dee

2006-09-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: bossy by kelis.
feeling: mushyloveydovey.

the assembly on thursday was more interesting than usual, but that'd only be because marcus and i were cracking jokes, plus that new boy [iqbal? eqbal?], margaret and i kept on snapping each other's bra straps. not that the new boy wears a bra... or at least i hope.

other than that, i went to church class. mm, i know. anyway, cyn wanted me to go so she came over, picked me up, we dropped by the clinic, then arrived at church class where we did the usual stuff and finally went home and passed out because yes, i am still jet lagged.

today was the usual and then after school, the art class set off for that little trip to an itsybitsy art gallery. excellent work there.. and no, not the art, surprisingly, though those were passable too. i'm talking about the jewellery. so much pretty jewellery. mmmmmmmph.

drove back to school where adam, isa and i talked for a bit then set off to the shop with fareed, talked even more then, said bye to fareed who had to go, talked more and then walked back to the school, where adam left for home, leaving isa and i.. who talked more, again.

uh.. fast forward to the present; possibility of no school on monday. huzzah for the moon.

okay, actually, i'm bored now.

by the way, if you want to rule the world; you will buy me subwoofers. you know you want to. c'mon now, don't all jump to buy them for me at once. ;p or kanna can just send me her sexysexy speakers... that'll work too, kanna.

.dee

2006-09-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

listening to: update by john marks.
feeling: enamored.

why do i feel enamored? what with? why, with this new song, of course. marcus and i ruined our left ear's hearing with it during business today.

an art trip to some gallery on friday, whoop-de-doo. of course, i'd be happy if i were missing school, but nooo. this has to be after school.

remember, we've got to stick this out.

i had a really nice, smart blog to write... but i can't be stuffed to anymore..

bye.

dee.

2006-09-17T09:56:00.000+08:00

listening to: look on the floor [angel city remix] by bananrama.
feeling: mmmbetter.

social life? what social life? yes, dian has no social life.

today's been a lot better than that crappy day yesterday. instead oh whining and moping around after that mundane and sordid blog, i got up off my ass, well no, not really, but i did something productive. i also hit an all time record for me and pushed the jet lag limit and got to bed 4 hours later than i normally do nowadays! yes people, i slept at 10! let us rejoice, for she is getting over the jet lag.

so, a few rants after posting and a deep discussion with elaine about human nature, i started on my antony and cleopatra essay, and i think i actually managed to create something passable. amazing, right? i also completed some art work, but that can't be considered homework. art? homework? gasp*.

do you want to be cool? [you know you want a life. come on, admit it.] i know i do. that's why i visit this site, home to what may be my life, my soul... okay, so one of the greatest bands to ever grace this porn-littered internet. meet MOTA:

clickettyclick, bitches.

it's a sunny shiny cheerful day, skies are that annoying bright, blinding blue, my alliteration is working full speed today and the slight breeze means that i should be out there, either in a bikini and with a book.. or running about my garden like an asian mary from secret garden.

yes? NO.

instead, i am stuck inside and trying to complete my ICT coursework. luckily the day is early and it hasn't even hit lunch yet. at least i have my music and the weather is cheerful -- damn happy people..... -- and i'm actually awake.

.... it's a start?

dee.

2006-09-16T13:15:00.000+08:00

listening to: the fabulous new "closure" song by mota.
feeling: at an all time low. (:

stick it out and stay strong. stay strong and soon this passing whirlwind will be but a distant memory, tucked away in the back of your mind.

hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. it's everywhere nowadays. you begin to see how those "lunatics who went on a killing rampage at their school" could do it. after all, it's only the pull of a simple trigger, isn't it. one little itsy bitsy motion with your finger. who would have thought that such a small movement could cause such a large catastrophe.

no, you, supress those urges to rake out your classmates eyes. there's no need for violence. they haven't done anything yet.

"how do you spell love?", they say. "i forgot."

anyway.

Happy belated birthday, Kanna!

i miss you already, as does everybody else, including minou. hope you had a great day and that everything was fine and dandy for you. hope to see you sooooooooon. seriously. really. get me out of here. other than that, lots and lots and lots of love.

.dee

2006-09-13T08:12:00.000+08:00

listening to: buzzing.
feeling: green-eyed.

yesterday i got to sleep fairly early - due to jet lag - and woke up at 3 am, only to discover that my cat had fallen asleep in my bed with me and didn't make a sound all night. she was so adorable, curling up to me and rolling about when i woke up, a sign that she wanted to be petted. what a whore, haha.

art today; whoopie! the latest project to adorn my sketchbook will be based upon the concept of food, meaning that as it has to be my favourite topic, my mind is racing with various ideas and thoughts about what to do. currently, i am dwelling over the imagery of "thinspiration", "commercialized food" and "sexual food". there was also the idea of snow white and her apple, but i'm more leniant towards the others.

i want to drop my igcse ict and take cambridge international diploma instead, and i've recently found out that it is possible. i'm still deciding about that though. must be certain of my choice, afterall.

anyway. bye.

dee

2006-09-11T12:48:00.001+08:00

listening to: criiickets.

feeling: hot, sweaty, icky.

kanna left today. boo. i actually miss her, migosh! haha, not really surprising.. but then again, mom says that she'll be coming back again next year.

jet lag has been nipping at my heels and the toll is being taken out on me.

following post was meant to be uploaded yesterday but due to laziness, it didn't happen. don't expect the following to be a great literary novel. it's just an "as simple as can get" worded post.

stupify me, bitches.

-----------------------

listening to: all the brunei people i've missed.
feeling: at ease.

important things first:

happy birthday, cynthia!

thanks for being the wonderful best friend you are and i'm glad that you've been here for me as i will always be there for you. hope you're having a great time in labuan right now and i can't wait til you come back so we can chat our little heads off as usual. hehe.

okay, so lets start off with the day i left... friday. kanna and i got up early, at 7 am to be exact, only to find out that we woke up at the wrong time.. so we spent the next hour or so just doing nothing until finally my parents got up, got ready and some guy came to drop us off at the airport...

the airport was surprisingly packed and soon after arriving, we set off on singapore airlines to singapore, where we stopped to connect to our next flight. brought a book in changi airport - a novel taken from an autistic kid's point of view and then got onto the flight for our 7 or so hour flight to taipei, which by the way, is such a mind-boggling airport. it was actually quite a scary place with no particular reason as to why.

anyway, after setting off again on the flight to LA, we finally arrived there after 18 hours? i don't know.. i lost track of time and my eyes hurt from watching too much tv. point is.. we finally got there and it was just becoming night so we caught a cab to our cute little merriot courtyard hotel and then just collapsed on a bed in our room, had a shower and then passed out til 4.30 am the next morning, which is when i started getting ready for our final flight to phoenix.

luckily the flight lasted for an hour or two and we managed to reach tuscon just before lunch and got picked up by gene and lis and my adorable and smart niece, hattie. she is one of the cutest things i've seen with her wispy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. she also knows sign language, which is amazing for a girl her age. we also found out that lis is pregnant again, which is great! means i'll be a two-time aunt.

we then got our rental car and drove all the way to tuscon, where we checked into our hotel which was actually really nice. whilst in our hotel, ginny and her husband-to-be, tim, came and joined us and we got to see them and aunt milly, who was staying in the same hotel and chat too. then we drove to auntie genie's where we met up with everybody else. it was wonderful to see everybody and we all just sat and chatted for ages.

okay, since i can't be stuffed to write a blow-by-blow entry on everything that happened, i'll just tell you about the key points. wedding was great, beautiful and i almost cried, until i regained my composure and reminded myself that the mascara wasn't waterproof. the newly wedded couple were accompanied out of the church by the star wars theme music, courtesy of sean, and then lots of photos were taken outside the church til everybody set off once more for the reception, which was so beautiful as well... held in the "courtyard" at genies and franks, there were fairie lights up and candles everywhere and the wind was very relaxing, accompanied by the great music. fernando seranded the newly wedded couple; ginny and tim, and it was just like out of a movie - perfect.

spent lots of time with hattie and did a lot of shopping with the girls; kanna, sarah, milly, lis and.. er.. gene. brought some very cute things including a black and white strapless dress. uuuhm, basically the next few days were spent with the family and shopping or whatnot. ah yes, and a lot of food was consumed during that week. the americans sure know how to eat, to put it simply. the weather was great, not too hot and not too cold.. of course i would have liked it to be hotter because i wanted to get a tan, but other than that, it was the perfect climate. the people were so cheerful and there were all the cute little american things such as starbucks, little packets of condiments, bagels, pretzels, food courts buzzing with activity, mexican restaurants and so on. it was fabulous.

finally, we woke up at 4 am on friday to set off for our flight to LA. instead of spending some time there, we just went straight onto the next plane to tokyo and then back to singapore after 30 or so hours of flying. we arrived in changi airport at 1 am and then just wandered about the airport, did some shopping and then got onto our flight for brunei, only to arrive back home at midday and then get picked up by siti.

after arriving home, i unpacked and mom found out that one of our fishies had died, only to be replaced by two smaller mini fishes, which i have now named as tweedledee and tweedledum. which is which, i don't know. then kanna and i both passed out til early morning, when i quickly woke up at 5 am, had a shower, got ready and then set off for school.

man, i was so dreading coming back to isb and brunei, but now that im home, i'm glad i'm back. (:

... i still miss america a lot though. hehe.

xx.

dee

2006-09-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

will be back in 12 or so hours. expect a looong post.

.dee

2006-08-31T18:56:00.000+08:00

listening to: snakes on a plane by cobra starship.
feeling: blinded by the desk lamp.

okay, so today was fun. talked to people i don't usually talk to, relaxed a bit, peed a lot and then hugged a lot of people too because i'll be going away for a week. yep, that's right, back to america.

i'm excited to go, yet another part of me wants to stay so i don't miss out on anything.. but then again, it's not every month that i go to usa. i already packed my bag too. being the compulsive over-packer that i am, i've brought more than i might need.. such as three bikinis and four pairs of shoes and 7 or 8 lipsticks. yeaaaaaah... i won't even talk about the clothes.

the one thing that i'm irked off about are the new airline rules. if you're on a flight to america, you're not allowed to carry onboard any liquids, electronic gadgets and everything must be carried in a transparant bag. those are just a few of the ludicrous rules. grr. i'm deciding whether to bring my art book or not....

anyway, so yes, just informing you all that i'll be away for a week and i'm going to miss you all.

much love. xx. and by the way, everything is fine now. (:

.dee

2006-08-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

listening to: air con.
feeling: exposed.

does anybody want to give me a hug? please?

there are usually days in the life of an overreactive high school brat where she feels, well to put it simply; like crap. today has been one of those days for me. add in a dash of outcast, a sprig of doubt, few tears and you have my big bundle of todays emotions, topped off with a pretty little red bow.

of course with this comes the few people who you find matter the most and who make you feel that maybe there is some happiness and you aren't that useless. funnily enough, sometimes these people can be the most unexpected and you can learn so much and find out things you never knew, or refused to see. it's also great to have your favourite class in the schedule of the day, a.k.a - art. especially after the discovery of a huge box of spray cans. wooopeeee~

why am i feeling like shit? i don't know but i bet it's for some stupid teenage reason and i'll totally forget that it ever happened in a weeks time and then we can all go back to being our usual fake, bitchy, judgemental selves and pretend that our lives are soooooOoooOooOo hard. *rolls eyes*

haha okay maybe i'm just being unfair, most likely actually. but let me have my peace of mind for this moment. hrmph. but to be truthful, none of these emotions matter much to me anymore - i've detached myself from all messy human emotions and my only goal is education, get a job, have a nice life, die happy-ish. or something like that.. i have yet to decide. and i've just managed to make myself like some cold-hearted fish. ooops.

okay, now that that really weird part of the blog entry is over, and by the way, i want to point out that it had no meaning and i don't even know what the hell it was about, we can get to more important stuff:

fucked up nails. my index nail has a rough tip which is just begging to be picked and bitten at and shorn down - must. resist.urge. AAAAAAH. and this is why nail files are a blessing. (:

okay, i'm going to sit on my ict chair and grumble to myself til the teacher comes over and sends me to the nurse for attempts to chew through the wires of the computer monitor so i may be able to electrocute myself using the bottle of water that i'm replacing today's lunch with.

dee

p.s - all i need is love. this blog makes no sense to me. really. and someone forgot my bag today. grr. you all suck. boo.

2006-08-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

listening to: coin operated boy by the dresden dolls.
feeling: dreary.

okay, so my first day of school wasn't eventful at all. it's good to be back and actually do something productive though, but i do miss the relaxation of summer holidays.

yesterday was simon's 18th, and i'm actually not going to bother talking about that because some things are best left unsaid. (:

america, here i come! i'll be packing up my bags and jetting off in a few days and the anticipation has been escalating, especially in light of recent events - i just can't wait to get out of the country and cool my heels for a few days.

so, kanna and i went for a facial on thursday and mygosh, i never knew the darned things took so long! there were numerous stages to the procedure including massage, face masks, littlebuzzymachinethingies, steam thingamajiggs and even this one point where they basically dig into your skin and then as if the pain wasn't enough, pour a whole load of stinging liquid onto your face. funnily enough, i actually enjoyed the pain.. unfortunately, i doubt i can say the same for my sister.

i had made the mistake of drinking a lot before the actual facial.. let me tell you all, not a good idea. there was one point where after being painted on with a face mask, the nice little ladies left kanna and i in the room. after a few minutes of silence, i suddenly got the crazy notion that maybe they had driven off to get some lunch or someshit. kanna and i started talking and laughing so much, which made the urge to pee even worse.

we also had to wear these maroon garments which were so confusing to put on, but other than all that, i would definitely repeat that facial any week.

i'm sure that many of you have noticed the new layout, courtesy of kan. i love it and though i wasn't too keen on the imagery at first, it's definitely started to grow on me. [wow, i make it sound like a bacterial fungus on my face or someshit.] i have also cleared out my tagboard as a fresh start. don't know why, but just felt like it.

anyway, til next time!

dee.

2006-08-18T21:46:00.000+08:00

listening to: tokyo drift - teriyaki boys.
feeling: ebullient

okay so on tuesday, i did a whole days of shopping with mom and kanna and ended up with a baby pink dress and blisters on my feet from walking all around in heels.

then today, cyn texted me, telling me she's back in brunei and she came over today and we caught up on all the latest girl talk and so on, til we set off and walked all the way to fratinis and met up with hamish, simon, david and their new guitarist/singer; danial, who by the way has one of themost amnazing voices. *drool.*

after that, cyn and i walked to her new house and watched tokyo drift and then just talked even more, til we set off to mine again, intercepting her mom on the way, who kindly gave us a lift back to mine.

tomorrow cyn and her mom are setting off to labuan, and coincidently on the same ferry as my mom and siste.r i'd be going with them but if i do, it means i can't get my facial and whatnot which i'll be getting on tuesday.

my sleep pattern is finally back to "normal" and school starts soon. anyway, til tomorrow.

xx.

2006-08-17T17:39:00.000+08:00

listening to: nyergh. whogives a fuck.
feeling: lethargic.

will update when school starts and i can be stuffed to.

dee

2006-08-01T08:15:00.000+08:00

listening to: fishtank bubbles....
feeling: mundaaaaaaneee.

okay, sorry for the lack of blogs - been too lazy to go online these past few weeks. instead, i've been delving deep into my bookshelves again and enriching my life with the joy that is trashy romance novels, out of this world fantasy books and tales of magical wonderlands where the dead live and the impossible is possible.

... so it's not that educational, but hey! at least its more than what most of my grade is doing [i.e - drinking themselves silly.. *cough cyncough*]

anyway, kanna is here.. been here for about two weeks? three? anyway.. uhmm. sleep pattern is still fucked up, kudos to late night tv. and yes, people, i have finished my ict coursework. okay, so that leaves one more to start but i have three weeks and at least i don't have to complete it, right?

yes, other than that quick update, just dropping by to say a quick "hello" and hope your holidays are going great and expect a change of blog layout soon because i've discovered that the background etc. looks weird on different window measurements and blah blah.. oh and the realisation that i will be in grade 11 has just sunk in. talk about slow reactions?

anyway, adios.

dee

2006-07-17T20:26:00.000+08:00

listening to: ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights.
feeling: fat fat ~~FAT~~

i'm just sitting here infront of this computer, eating the rest of this tub of lowfat vanilla icecream, which by the way, hasn't only been eaten by me. the three quarters empty tub courtesy of my parents, of course.

i talked to my eldest sister on the phone yesterday; a good chat where we just quickly rushed through all thats been happening in our lives recently, meaning that it was mostly her talking because everythings become a routine for me; wake up in afternoon, computer, eat, tv, sleep at dawn, wake up in afternoon-- rinse and repeat.

i've managed to get some coursework done, surprisingly and my parents haven't actually noticed me recently. i mean, yeah, we all live in the same house, but what with everything else going on with my siblings; good and bad things, they've got no more time for me and call me crazy, which i'm sure most of you all already do, but i love it! it means i can get on with my life and i get into less trouble.

so him and i were talking a few days ago about everything, us, him, me.. love. oh god, that word scares me. i've realised that i've never actually loved any boyfriend and though most girls here are going round saying those three words with ease, i'm saving them for somebody special. i'm glad i am, actually. because then it means more to me, but so far it's just been building up fear inside of me. fear that the day i do say it, will be the day i put all my emotions in one persons hands, meaning they have to power to emotionally damage me and ruin my life. so, hopefully the day i do say it in the far, far, far, far, far, far, far future, i'll have chosen the right guy. (:

for now though, grade 11 and great marks for my igcse's, here i come!

.dee

2006-07-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

listening to: fire by ferry corsten.
feeling: mundane.

ok, i don't remember what's happened the last few days other than yesterday we had an intimate dinner at mine for sof's leaving and as it was the one day where i don't have to diet, boy, did i fill myself with all the delicious foods available, such as coffee miringue, two types of roast lamb, potato gratin, key lime tart, a huge chocolate cake and so much more.

it was really sweet of azren to get me credit out of nowhere, so i'm thankful for him and his random texts and calls during this boring holiday. also cynthia and elle's -- who by the way has finally jetted off to australia *shniff* -- calls and texts from malaysia, which they seem to be drinking dry by the sounds of it. tsk tsk tsk.

being on holiday means that my sleeping schedule is now so fucked up, i go to bed at 6 and wake at 4 pm every day. i've also managed to lose track of the days and dates, meaning that i truly am relaxed.

anyway, i had better start my ict coursework as i've been putting it off for too long and if i'm about to actually try in grade 11, i'd better get the coursework done.

'til another post, people.

.dee

2006-07-10T17:03:00.000+08:00

listening to: dj's in a row by.. er. somebody.
feeling: elevated - did you know that also means slightly drunk? hrm.

the holidays have been good to me; sleeping in till 2-3 every day, partying almost every night. a perfect combination. it's also great since i've had no fights with the parents, proving that yes, we are getting closer, amazingly enough.

i've actually been on a diet for this past week or so and am actually getting used to it. 'course i had a little disagreement with mom on how exactly i should lose weight, with her telling me to stop eating past midnight and something else that i forgot, and then me, saying that i'm now only going to eat one full meal a day and the rest are tiny-ass healthy snacks, such as tofu or fibre-rich biscuits. she called it starving myself, i call it reduction.

the one thing we did agree on was that i can drink as many pints of green tea as i want, and i've been doing so. all i can say is thankgosh i like green tea. it isn't that bad actually, this diet. it's also helped explain just why i eat alot.

so, i've determined the reason why.. and that is because i'm usually bored. and when im bored, i have nothing better to do, so i eat to take up time. so simple. the solution? do something that occupies my time, such as excercise or homework. so today i actually did some coursework! haha. shocking for me.

yesterday i went to a british comedy theatre performance with sof, but we ran out and just spent most of the time talking, then entering the show at the end. we did see one act though, and that looked pretty good, surprisingly enough. also saw a lot of other people we knew there. yuhuh.

anyway, i would talk about the parties, nights, and so on but i can't be stuffed to, so im just going to leave it at this and til next time.. adios!

.dee

2006-07-07T16:17:00.000+08:00

listening to: speeding cars by imogen heap.
feeling: at ease.

mom and dad are currently out right now, buying screws.

..yeah anyway, yesterday i was meant to wake up early to go out for a breakfast type thing with mom, but yet again i managed to wake up in the afternoon, so i spent the day bumming around the house til cyn called up and reminded me that we had church class, something we both didnt want to go to.. so instead, her mom let her skip it in the end and i set off for gadong whilst cyn, who was meant to join me there, had to wait home for her stepsister, mary, to come home.

i arrived in gadong and went to weststreet where beb was waiting with sof, ansari, yaya, adul, soph and some other people. we then all just went to coffeebean where we met up with loads of other people such as tat, shaheen, adam, nyan, and godknowswhoelse because i forgot. anyway, then beb and i went off to wrestle azim away from his initial d game and we were all laughing and just having fun in the arcade til azim and i went off to maccers to get some grub.

we were just eating there, ~~laughing at people~~ and talking when beb joined us and we all had fun chatting, then azim went off to get some things for later on the night and beb and i went up to west street and chillaxed there, greeting more people who passed by that we knew. then i watched beb kick more arse at the arcade and by this time, the mall had literally shut down because it was 11 and since i needed to get home and shower, we met up with azim by his car, hung out around there for a bit then blasted the music and went back home.

they dropped me off at home and then i went inside and hung out with mom and dad infront of the tv and then they went to bed and i got ready to go out whilst texting cyn at the same time.. then i set off and beb and azim came and picked me up. we discovered the worlds first square-about and did some singing in the car and then we vroomvroomed off to azims where we collapsed on his bed and watched "it's all gone pete tong" and "deuce bigalow, male gigalo". after making azim cook for me, we all eventually we passed out on the bed and fell asleep until i woke up at 7 and we all jolted up and then raced back to mine with the music blasting.. as usual. sorry, people who we wake up!

so i got back home, all safe and sound and then just went to bed til 3 pm, when mom woke me up to tell me that she and dad were going out. im meant to be in gadong with cyn right now, but too lazy to go, whooops.

anyway, the tv calls me and a masterpiece is never completed. adiiios~

"and the rush of adrenaline as i slowly open my door to reveal a night of excitement, courses through my body like a jolt of crackling electricity. i slowly make my way down the dark stairs and quietly tread through the sleeping house til i reach the exit that is my saviour. gently cracking open the back door, i slide through the gap that i have created and with a burst of fear, run out of my garden and onto the road that surrounds my house. the energy that soars through my blood as fast as a speeding bullet, increases with every careful step that brings me closer to the car.

once on the way towards our destination, we all feel the timed beats, pounding into our bodies through the seats of the car, which rushes by darkened buildings and increases in speed until the outside world is just a blur and all we own is in that car. us, ourselves and the music. the high pitched and repetitive techno beats, the music to our ears, is loudly audible to the outside world, but only we feel the adrenaline that accompanies it. we're all lost in our own thoughts, yet sharing the same moment at the same time. the glowing ember that is their cigarettes, slowly burns down, brightly contrasting with the early night and as they take one last drag of it and carelessly flick it out the window before sipping on the alcoholic concotions in the other hand, we realise that this, this rush, this excitement, is what keeps us going, is what we live for. the night that follows, thats unfolded for us, our night, is a secret, seared into only our minds to indulge in."

.dee

2006-07-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

listening to: hide and seek by imogen heap.
feeling: funnified.

HAHAH cynthia and my conversation about some baby photos we just got hold of of lane:

dee love. says:
HIS HAIIIIR!
dee love. says:
its SO DORKY!
[[Cyn]] Kiss me under the stars. says:
I KNOW OMFG
dee love. says:
its the bowl haircut we're always making fun of!
dee love. says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
[[Cyn]] Kiss me under the stars. says:
I CANT BELIEVE I WENT OUT WITH HIM!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OMFG
dee love. says:
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH SO MEAN
[[Cyn]] Kiss me under the stars. says:
HAHAHAHAHA I KNOW HAHAHAHA
[[Cyn]] Kiss me under the stars. says:
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA OMFG IM LAUGHING SO MUCH MY TUMMY HURTS HAHAHAHAHHAA OMG THE BROKEN ARM ONE HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
dee love. says:
HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
[[Cyn]] Kiss me under the stars. says:
HAHAHAHHA I KNOW OMFG HE'S HAIR HAHAHAHAHA I CANT BELIEVE I WENT OUT WITH HIM HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH [not that im being mean or anything] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and now i remember why we're twins. (:

.dee